CHOICE!

How much does Fear affect your daily decision making?

Stalk your decision-making process tomorrow!

Which decisions or choices do you make out of Fear and which choices do you make out of Love?

Fear-Choice-"If"

What is Fear?

Bing: "1. feeling of anxiety; an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehencion caused by the presence or anticipation of danger. "

Merriam-Webster.com: "transitive verb. 1. archaic; frighten 2. archaic; to feel fear in (oneself) 4.(I skipped 3) to be afraid of

Wikipedia: "Fear is a distressing emotion aroused by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occuring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger."

These are some of the common words I found amongst the many definitions I perused:

anticipation

apprehension

impending

perceived

threatening

idea

thought

anxiety

Interesting that these words are "what could" words, and "if" words. They are not "action" words. The pain of fear may be more in the mental realm; more in the thinking about the possibilities than in dealing with the actual event.

Do you ever find that the anticipation of an unpleasant event is generally far worse than the experience of the event itself?

What are you afraid of?

Spiders? Clowns? Tornadoes? Giant Killer Hamsters? Making a wrong decision? Choosing the wrong restaurant? Choosing the wrong mate? Choosing the wrong job? Living someone's else's life? Failure?

For me, "what are you afraid of" can be one of the most paralyzing and useful questions - when answered honestly.

Me? I'm so afraid of failing at what I believe I was put here for and winding up destitute that I have spent the greater part of my life not living the gift that is my life. When I think of it - stepping in, to create this form through which to share what I have to share and stand on my own two feet, I can hardly breath.

It has always been important to me to live a meaningful life. Maybe I'm a late bloomer! Maybe I'm a slow learner! More likely it is the legacy of fear that has been passed down along the female line in my family. To quote Melissa Etheridge, "the legacy stops here".

Are there paths you would like to take, new experiences you might like to have, new people you would like to connect with? But you don't? Out of fear? Yes, is my answer, what about you?

As I develop Tools for Transformation and I talk about it to friends, students, other teachers and family I feel the familiar sensation of the boa constrictor wrapping around my chest. Every time I exhale, I can hardly inhale again. But I do.There IS an inhale - sometimes it is really small and it's not enough but it keeps me going. As bogged down as I can get in the "what coulds" and the "ifs", nothing much is actually happening. In stepping forward, there's no abyss that I've tumbled into. The boa whom I have named Isis (I love ancient Egyptian history), is going to learn to lighten up and go with the flow because the further I walk on this path, the less Fear walks with me.

Fear Choice "If"

What are you afraid of?

Time Away

No posts for a few days.

Taking my own advice: bringing balance to my life by tending to emotional housekeeping - visiting the parents for the holidays.

Peace, Love, Joy, Health and Happiness to you all.

Turn Yourself On - the juiciness of Self-Activation

Turn Yourself On

"Activate, verb, to make active."

Again, thank you Random House College Dictionary

How do you activate the lighting in your living space?

Me, I flip a switch or push a button - I turn it on. I act on the switch.

How do you activate your television?

Maybe the same way I do, buy either pushing a button on the tv itself or pushing a button on its remote. I turn it on. I act on the tv or remote.

How do you activate yourself? (There will be a quiz at the end!)

What if we step back and I ask differently: when you need to accomplish something in your life, how are you turned on?

Are you acted upon by an outside force?

Details

Last night I printed all the posts relative to T4T out so that I can carry them around and draw, color and scribble on them! I like to have something to touch, hold and take in the car. I'm a bit tactile... aren't we all - a little? Am I the only one still using pen and paper?!

As a work in progress, I expected to find stuff that needed work. What I found were tons of type-os (to hyphen or not to hyphen? I'll have to research that!!!) - drives me nuts! I punctuate my texts! That in addition to the tweaks in the work itself...

Wow, how conscious was I when I proofed before I published?!?! Maybe not as conscious; not as awareness as I thought I was. Has that happened to you? Ok, now I'm wondering where else in my life am I not as conscious as I believe myself to be. Ooooo, this could truly be humbling, as most life lessons tend to be.

Alright - back to the laptop and those embarrassing type-os.

Love Your Body, Love Your Life!

That is Nia's tagline. I appreciated it when I first saw, but I also got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then I realized that it reminded me, in that nagging I-think-I-forgot-to-turn-the-stove-off way that while I truly have come to love my body, my life is not in order. This I believe I established in an earlier post - no need to revisit.

What we are going to visit is what this "Love Your Body" thing is all about for me, which is how I can share it with you. A Nia Black belt and Professional Coach asked me recently, "Why is it important to love your body?"

If she had asked me that 5 years ago, I would have struggled for an answer then made up a version of all the canned, fitness professional responses that I'd heard. The answer I gave her was not the one that she gave me. After we'd talked and I did some of my own work, I pieced together some thoughts that flowed and felt true for me.

My body is my life.

It is always with me. It has been built and coded to love and be loved, by others and by me (thank you, Lisa). My body loves in many ways; it expresses love through touch and response, through facial expression and body language. My body expresses love through verbal language, and it expresses love through non-verbal outpouring of energy.

My body is a receptacle for all of my experiential responses. When I am hurt and don't work through it, my body holds that pain. When I am angry and I don't confront and deal with the why, my body also holds that anger. My body holds a little of every emotional experience I've had that did not get resolved.

My body is also subject to the I-have-got-to-be-in-control-of-something-in-my-life pattern. I may not be able to control the world around me but I can damn sure control my body - by eating to get the comfort I am not getting from someone else. By not eating. By only eating certain foods at certain times. By exercising until I have the "best" body in my office. By exercising through my body's warnings and even through injury. By working hideous hours and silencing the voice of my body asking for rest. I believe I can control my life through my body by having sex with random partners for that brief moment of false connection. By having sex with a partner I don't really love and respect just so that I am not alone. I think I can control my life through my body by shutting those around me out. I put up the emotional armor, I put up the physical armor and I create the tower, my invulnerable fortress. I cannot be touched or touch.

Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe these are places you have been in, maybe you're there now? In my heart the most meaningful question was, do I want to leave those places? Do you?

Yin & Yang, the Men of Nia and the Symmetry of Life

Ok, this is a serious work in progress. It might get a bit long - it needs to - I need it to. Then it will clean up, tidy up, tighten up. Please try to be patient with this one. It may come in multiple, multiple parts!

Here we go...

I've never liked to hear a woman say she needs a guy because he "completes" her.

The equalist in me starts jumping up and down, shrieking,

"That's trash!!! I am a complete human being!!! I do not need anyone to breath for me, to turn on my brain for me, to lower my energy levels so that I will sleep, to beat my heart for me. I am complete!!!!"

The shrieking equalist is right on a very pure level. (But she's not even considering what happens when the hormones kick in!) Now that's not to say that I don't want a man in my life. Whole different jar of jellybeans.

I am complete. While I produce all the eggs I need, to reproduce, I will need a male. Many things may bring joy into my life, few things do it the way "being in love" does it. I am an interesting balance of yin and yang, but few experiences make me feel my yin-ness the way being at a dinner table with a guy I'm nuts about will.

I am complete. I will not cease to live without a mate. Will I be happy? Probably not - that's the jellybean jar to which I referred previously.

When I dance for myself I am satisfied up to a point. My mechanics and movement habits lean toward fluid, smooth moves that feel beautiful and elegant as I execute them. Buuuut, that does not give me movement and muscle balance. When I dance someone else's choreography, especially if the choreographer is a man, at first I feel awkward and "frou frou". If the choreography is yang, I approach it quietly and superficially to begin. My natural dance is yin (unless I'm dancing pissed, then it's unbalanced in yang!) and I can go there easily. Even someone else's yin. I feel like I can slip right in. But yang. Male energy. I have to practice. I have to dig from another place inside of me and for a while it doesn't feel "right". If I keep doing it, though, it creates strength and endurance, stability and mobility in a very different way than the yin work.

I know that working with both yin and yang in my dance creates balance in my body. I know this through the experience of overuse injuries. If I dance the same choreography in the same way every time, I will feel stress and eventually pain in the areas producing and re-producing the choreography. This translates to my Nia classes as well. If I teach the same routine for more than 3 weeks I will begin to hear complaints from the management (my joints, tendons and ligaments). However, if I balance my movement through mixing up the foci in the routines and also changing up routines, I remain without new injuries. Mmmm, balance.

Ready for the segue?

The world of Nia is predominantly female, the balance in the work itself, though, has always been present. Honestly I'd never given much thought to all of this until Carlos AyaRosas, co-creator of Nia, announced his retirement. All of a sudden every routine was highly sensitized in my body. I feel this balance, I would say to myself, I wonder how it will feel as Nia transitions.

As aware as I was at this point, I was to become more keenly aware (yes, I DID say "keenly" - it fits) as I experienced my Brown Belt intensive. Granted, I was primed, but we had 5 Nia men in our 50-person intensive. Dancing with them and hearing them express their perspectives on the process gave me much to think about. None of these men came from a dance background. For me, it was a vastly different experience to take Nia classes in the presence of this strong, grounded male energy. These 5 men did not need to stand in the front, take control, be the best, the strongest or otherwise throw their yang-ness around. They simply did what they did with quiet confidence.

They did what they did without losing their masculinity. They did it without becoming feminine. They did it, perhaps, the way they do everything else, simply the way they do it. And the room felt different. I will say again that listening to these men express their experience with the work reminded me that their comfort levels are different and their challenges are, indeed, different from mine. I also found myself considering that I may not be teaching men-friendly classes.

Is this important? Is it important to balance the work in the studio? Is it essential to insure that all aspects of our lives, from home life to studio life to professional life, flow?

How does this idea of balance and flow affect how we work, how we play (do we play?), how we love and how we rest (do we get enough, if not, why not?)?

For answers to this and other heart-stopping questions, stay tuned for the next episode...

Yin & Yang, the Men of Nia and the Symmetry of Life

Yin and Yang.

Opposites not in opposition to one another. Two sides of the same coin. Opposite forces constantly flowing into each other to maintain balance, harmony and health. Each has its own characteristics, together they express the interdependence of opposites.

If we look at nature we see the yin and the yang. We see the earth and the moon, the light and the dark, the mountains and the valleys, the water and the fire. There are other aspects of yin and yang that may be less evident in looking at the landscape such as slow and fast, hard and soft, yielding and solid, hot and cold, active and passive. These aspects, however, are not that difficult to identify as colors and shades of our natures.

Culturally, we would probably list the following aspects as good: fast, hard, solid, hot and active.

We might also be tempted to list the remaining aspects as less than desirable. In fact, if we met someone with these traits, we might be tempted to judge this person as weak or lazy, unsuccessful and unmotivated. What I have just said is that yang traits are good and yin traits are undesirable - ok, let's just say it - yin is baaaaaad!

How about this: work hard, drive fast, go-go-go-go-go, we need it hot, fresh and before anyone else and we need it NOW!

Rest? What do you need rest for? You can rest when you're dead! Come on, push it through, you can always catch up later. Your family will respect you for all the hours you put in, they'll love you for providing all the stuff - we all want more stuff, right? Your son will take his first steps again, right? Your daughter will speak her first words when you have time to take off to hear them - so don't worry. If you can't make this deadline, we'll find someone who can.

What do you think?

Yin & Yang, the Men of Nia and the Symmetry of Life

See what happens when I go a couple of days without writing?? It builds up!! And I know you've been waiting, breathlessly for me to post again... and since I realize what fun anticipation can be, I'm going to make you wait a little longer... not too long, though. After all I'm as impatient to write this as you are to read it!!

Sooooon... very sooooooooon................

I want to get you into your body...

Whos Life AM I Living? Incongruency

Ready for part two?

I'm reading a wonderful book called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene' Brown. It's an easy read but the material is a little uncomfortable and processing this material is an invitation for me to take a much deeper look and do some gritty work with why I do some of the things I do and why I react the way I do.

Incongruent. Incongruency. Inconsistency. Not congruent. Funny I pick a math word...

I have spent my entire life hiding. In the past, the very whisper of being vulnerable was intolerable - physically, mentally, in spirit and emotions. Until very recently.

When I was 12 a teacher told my parents that I was stupid and wouldn't learn. That was the end and the beginning of the world for me.

POINT: I was really afraid the teacher was right, no - I was certain the teacher was right.

I didn't know that I was ADHD until I was re-diagnosed in college. I did know that there was something "wrong" with me and since it was not ever a family discussion topic I figured it was something to be ashamed of and to hide.

Instead of owning who I am, I pretended to be something else. I made important life choices based on who I "should" be that didn't suit me at all and swallowed anger and resentment.

I'm a teacher and I always have been. Even as a child, I loved sharing information I'd learned and people listened. When I got into fitness I felt like I could breath for the first time. It was my chance to combine the benefits of being a deeply somatic human being with sharing what I knew and loved. Fun for awhile. Ok, so now I'd found my niche and I wanted more than the conventional fitness world offered me. Enter Nia.

The life choices for who I was "supposed to be" have come back to bite me in the ass (as they always do) and something has to change.

I've decided to no longer live in incongruency.

It's time to create a life for myself that is, indeed, MY life.

I'm weird - yep! I'm different - definitely!!

I'm also extremely curious (particularly about people and what makes them tick, body and mind). I love to read and reasearch (so many books, so little time!). I can get a little obsessive from time to time and have to know as much about a subject as is humanly possible. I live my life in my body. (I consider this a wonderful gift I have had all my life.) Many, many of my day to day experiences are processed on a somatic level before my head gets hold of them. I also have a sharp, quirky, twisted, richly warped sense of humor that gets me in trouble on a pretty regular basis! I'm musical, athletic, impatient, patient, compassionate, finely wired and intensely emotional.

I am now able to see being vulnerable as a positive attribute though I admit, living in vulnerability makes me a little nervous sometimes. It also tends to make some others around me uncomfortable.

In an effort to be "what I was supposed to be", I created long term damage to my body that I may be healing for the rest of my life. When I stepped into Nia, I found what my body needs and what it loves.

In an effort to be "what I was supposed to be", I created long term damage to my mind and emotions. Slowly, but surely, I am healing the wounds of incongruent living.

Like I said yesterday, my spirit is very happy with the changes. I still get stuck, have blocks and struggle to figure out how to turn theory into movement, but with the windows and doors unbarred and obstacles beginning to clear away, I like to think that anything is possible.

As a matter of fact, I DO believe that anything is possible!

Dear Nia students, friends and co-teachers, what can I do to support you?

Relationships... buzz... ping... nyung... smash... crunch... ahhh... mmm... neeeeeext...

Who's Life AM I Living? Conditioning and Incongruency

This is a two parter! Just so you know. And, um, this is part one...

During my Brown Belt intensive this past October, Debbie Rosas Stewart talked about life at home and the Nia life (my translation). She poked a stick at my attempts at leading a normal, dual existence. What Debbie said amounted to the concept that I cannot have a fabulous Nia life/career when the rest of my life "sucks". I don't know if anyone at the studio noticed, but I'm pretty sure I turned green. No. Now I realize that just because Debbie says it doesn't make it true - but I know a truth for me when I hear it - and feel it and this one hit me square in the pit of my stomach.

For 6 years I have been living this double life - aren't you glad you tuned in for today's drama?!? Very consciously, with all the mindfulness that would make Thich Nhat Hanh proud, I have separated my "personal" life from Nia. Nia is my Joy, my pleasure, my fun and has been my crutch and my shield. The rest of my life is complicated (see my Facebook status?!) - but whos isn't? (You can read more about this in part two so stay tuned!)

Over the course of my childhood I learned to express my emotions (particularly the angry ones), but I did not learn to respect what I felt. As I grew up I became the angry woman; with a

hair-trigger volatile temper. I was out of control. I was also lonely and disconnected - a hair-traigger makes it difficult for other people to relax and trust. Family conditioned me to express my emotions (I was the "angry woman", but I experienced love as deeply as I experienced anger). Society conditioned me to be embarrassed and ashamed by my facility to express. As a teenager I felt no need to fit in - I had always been "different" and I was ok with that. As I got older and got past the stage of teen angst, I discovered that I kinda did wanna fit in and have friends and be "normal". While I had resisted the conditioning of society, I still knew what it was about and what the rules were if I was to be a successful human being.

I learned to fit in. I conditioned my body to be lean and fit so that I could wear the "right" clothes to wear to outings and events. I even knew how to dress for a certain sub-group of people I would be spending time with at a given event. I conditioned my mind as I learned the language and how to use it. I conditioned my emotions and my spirit by quieting the out-spoken person living inside the presentable face. Given that I am a "pleaser" all of the above was pretty easy to accomplish. With sweater sets in a multitude of colors and button styles and my volunteer resume' always in hand, I was practically June Cleaver! I even had the pearls!!!! I rose in the ranks of the Mom Crowd. I was voted onto a school board, I even became VP of Volunteers! I had arrived.

Then (dum dum dum), I moved to a place where nothing I did made me acceptable. I couldn't wear the right clothes, or make the right sort of conversation. I wasn't pretty enough, or plain enough, or tall enough or short enough, feminine enough, athletic enough, modest enough or bold enough. I just wasn't enough.

This "enough" thing had always been around. Throughout my adulthood I felt the need to work to please, because in my heart and mind I knew that I wasn't enough, but if I worked hard enough (which I couldn't ofcourse), I might be sufficiently acceptable. I would never be "enough", but that was something I would just have to live with and hide. If I could be pleasing, maybe no one would notice my lack of enough-ness.

With all of this conditioning under my belt, I found myself in a situation in which nothing I did made me acceptable. After a couple of years of this, I finally came to the conclusion that, hell, if I'm not going to be the right kind of anything, no matter what I did, I may as well just be me. But I'd spent all those years squelching, resisting, holding in and numbing the "right" emotions so that no reaction could slip out without proper processing. I had effectively rendered the "angry woman" powerless. I rarely felt angry anymore. I also rarely felt joyful or excited (being too excited about anything is also not acceptable in adult society) about much.

I started teaching Nia and not only did I fall in love with the way Nia made me feel in terms of physical sensation, but I fell in love with the philosophies. I am completely in love with the concept of tweaking Nia to fit my body as opposed to tweaking or changing my body to fit Nia. To be in relationship with Nia I only have to be who and what I am. I no longer have to go through some convoluted process in order for Nia to accept me (or for Debbie to accept me).

I am, yet again, re-conditioning myself, but with far more finesse then ever before. I am gently asking my body what it needs and I am truly listening. When I react emotionally, I am taking a moment (or 120) to dig out the real cause with compassion and patience. I am stalking my mind for judgements. It is my intention to let thoughts just pass through without attaching any immediate significance. This is my biggest challenge - lots of patience required here. As for my spirit - it's never been happier! The more I accept who I am the more creative I become and the more Joyful.

I am passionate. I am strong. I am curious. I am opinionated. I am Loving. I am uncertain. I am impatient and patient. I am tolerant. I am compassionate. I am easily distracted. I suck at math. I am creative. I am sensitive. I am healing.

If any of this resonates with you, please feel free to share your experience.

The Art of Pleasure

"The state or feeling of being pleased."

Thank you Random House College dictionary. I'm pleased by that definition of pleasure, aren't you? I'm not ecstatic, but I'm pleased that there is no judgement. Does that definition give me pleasure? Mmm, not so much.

I taught my 9am Nia class this morning. THAT gave me pleasure. My spirit realm was a little quiet but that's ok. Teaching Nia classes is my job and my job gives me pleasure. How many people can say that? Actually, I derive so much pleasure from teaching (and taking) Nia classes, that my body aches in a particular way if I miss a day.

Before I started teaching Nia I didn't think alot about the word pleasure outside of sex. I didn't think a whole lot about happiness either, except when I was un.

Now I seek pleasure each day. I seek happiness each day. Sex every day is a wonderful way to find pleasure. Happily, it is not the only source of pleasure.

Happy Factoid #1: Pleasure is not an indulgence!

That little tidbit actually does give me pleasure. I like knowing that as I go through my day, choosing the lovely balsamic vinegar for my salad is not a choice for a special occasion. I like knowing that feeding my body higher quality, nutritious food that pleasures my taste buds is not a guilty, uh, pleasure.

Happy Factoid #2: Pleasure is a necessity.

If you want to have friends and you want family members who do not cringe every time you walk into the room, you must remember Happy Factoid #2!!

When I take care of myself, when I give my body the rest and dance it enjoys, it repays me by giving me more opportunities (in the form of energy to burn) to do the things I want to do. When I give my mind the quiet it needs; when I release thoughts that are of no use to me, my mind repays me by being clear and sharp. When I give my emotions what they need in the way of gently processing what comes in, I can choose what I respond to and not feel overwhelmed by reacting to everything. I am repaid with patience, tolerance and emotional endurance. When I give my spirit what it needs - a voice and a willing ear - it repays me with sensitivity, creativity and an openness to inspiration from unexpected sources.

When I take the time to take care of myself/insure daily pleasure, I have more energy, I am able to think clearly, and I am loving and creative. That's not a bad result for basic upkeep!

Happy Factoid #3: Pleasure is every where.

Pleasure is possible in every thing that we do all through the day, we simply have to choose to experience with pleasure.

Waking up in the morning (my challenge to find pleasure) - before growling about having to get up so damn early - STOP. I'm going to lie in my bed for a moment, my warm, soft bed that cradles my body perfectly. I'm going to take a gentle breath and enjoy the sensation of my breath as it fills and empties my lungs. NOW I am going to get up.

Next, I'm headed to the shower. Today it's not going to be a "car wash". It won't take any longer in the shower, but this morning I am going to appreciate the temperature of the water. I'm going to be mindful of my body as I wash it - thanking each part for everything it does for me every day. Each morning I'm going to pick a favorite body part. As I put on lotion and pull on my clothes, I will choose to go through these movements with ease and find pleasure in the very routines I usually perform on automatic pilot.

Happy Factoid #4: Turn off the automatic pilot to find pleasure!!

Getting out of bed and showering will be where I choose to find pleasure today. Tomorrow I will be mindful as I eat my meals, honoring textures, flavors and temperature.

Rinse and Repeat: Turn off the automatic pilot to find pleasure!

Each day I will be conscious through a routine experience. I will seek the pleasure in what I normally do without thinking.

As Necessary: Turn off the automatic pilot to find pleasure!!

I do not need to spend any extra time or money if I don't wish to. Finding pleasure doesn't have to be a new pair of shoes or a manicure and pedicure, but it can be.

Pleasure. Every day. All around. In all realms. In the little things.

Within our grasp every minute. We just have to choose...

Balance

From "do these pants make my butt look big?" to "how do I find balance in my life?" - wow, the life-shifting questions never stop coming in my life!!!

After 40-something years of searching and asking and listening and watching I have come up with the answer that works for me. I am feeling so good about this answer that I thought I would share it!

Drum roll please - NO PEEKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am the balance.

that's it

what is it?

Over the past 6 years I have discovered that when I am balanced in Body, Mind, Spirit and Emotions, my life is in much better balance. There may still be a full-on familial catastrophe raging around me but I can manage. This is one of the most profound acquisitions of my life.

When I teach Nia, my choreography is always balanced. Debbie Rosas Stewart and Carlos AyaRosas wisely chose to bring in the energy and chemistry of nine movement forms as they developed Nia. That means that from class to class and program to program my body moves in a variety of ways, reducing my potential for injury (and boredom!).

The 9 Movement Forms are divided up into 3 categories. In the Dance Arts it is the energy and chemistry of Jazz, Modern and Duncan Dance. In the Martial Arts, Tae Kwon Do, Aikido and T'ai Chi. In the Healing Arts, Yoga with the Alexander Technique and the Feldenkrais Method (both considered body integration therapies).

FROM THE PHYSICAL:

I get Strong, Agile, Flexible, Mobile and Stable from the wide variety of movement choices I have every time I dance. Unless I choose to bring in repetition I do not have to expect injuries from overuse. My body can reflect emotion, it can reflect endurance and cardiovascular health as well as pleasure. It is the sensation of Joy that keeps me coming back.

FROM THE MIND:

I am conscious of the fact that my body moves differently to express the energy of each form. I know that in my body each form has a distinct "look". I am also aware of how each form feels to my body.

In my mind Jazz is sparkling, sexy, center-of-attention, flashy. Modern gives my mind and body the opportunity to shape shift, to give form to feeling. Duncan frees the child in me - gives me fairy wings, a silly purple cape made of diamonds that floats and the imagination to dance anywhere I wish to be in the moment.

Tae Kwon Do reminds me to be precise. I am the fight; strong, aggressive, assertive, and confident. Aikido's energy is grounded and centered. To win in this fight I will become aware of the energy of my "opponent". I do not need to struggle, I will blend my energy with his and we will flow. T'ai Chi, elegant and timeless, powerfully grounded, graceful and understated.

Yoga shows me alignment and balance in Yin and Yang. The Feldenkrais Method invites me to heightened awareness of how I "use" myself and how better to move and live with ease and efficiency. The Alexander Technique in practice refines kinesthetic sensitivity and shares with practitioner movement that is fluid and lively rather than rigid.

FROM THE SPIRIT:

Bring on the inspiration and the Joy!!

Nine Movement Forms + 40-something years movement experience = unlimited possibilities.

Spirit is where "anything goes, movement-wise" and I can get creative. No judgements, no planning; just my Witness to observe my habits and tendancies. Where I personalize to receive exactly what I need. This is where I learn to accept, appreciate and love my habits and tendancies and this is also where I find new ways of doing what I do.

FROM THE EMOTIONS:

Any and all emotions can be expressed through movement.

General Note: It is my belief that there are no "bad" emotions and no "good" emotions. There are simply emotions. They exist to give us guidance. They exist to keep us happy, healthy, safe and balanced (mmm, there's that word again...). We all have emotions - we all have the same number of emotions (yes, even you guys - same number!) and we are all entitled to feel whatever it is we feel. That's it. Now it's what we do with what we feel that makes the difference. This is where things can get sticky. The Energy Allies are a help here so refer back to my previous posting if you need to.

Dealing with emotions is not unlike dealing with a physical injury - address it and deal with it as it comes up. If not, injury may worsen, infection may set in and unhappiness is not far behind.

Lecture over.

Our emotional state varies from day to day. Conversations can affect how and what we are feeling. Music can have an effect on our emotions. Movement may also affect emotion; how we move our bodies can be a powerful emotional trigger. Enjoying a class for pleasure and fitness feels safe. Experiencing a class that moves my body in a way that brings up an unpleasant past may not feel so safe. It may not feel safe but it is normal and healthy. It is up to me to adjust my "volume control" so that I am not overwhelmed with what comes up. I can acknowledge and dance with it (rather than stuffing it down) at a manageable level for me.

The Dance Arts give me the opportunity to pretend, to act "as if", to express; to be larger than life or invisible. I can express the full range of my emotions through movement to a degree that is manageable and satisfying for me. The Martial Arts invites me to sense the aggressive, powerful, fearless side of myself; the side that growls and yells. The Healing Arts shows me ways to be at ease, ways to take care of myself and appreciate the amazing body I have.

I have acquired the ability to balance my life through balancing my self.

I am balance.

Body Works

I am not a mechanic. I will never be a mechanic. I do know how to drive a car and I do it on an annoyingly regular basis. I am a good driver too! I am still not a mechanic.

I have a car that I drive every day and I don't need to be a mechanic to do this. There are times when I take it in for an oil change and they find all kinds of other, expensive issues, that I might like to be a mechanic, but otherwise, I do not need to be a mechanic to drive my car.

However, I have discovered that the better I understand how my body works, the more successful I am when I ask for something from it. And, please note, I said "how MY body works". This is an important point. I happen to think that the human body is an amazing, beautiful machine capable of a delicious variety of executions, but I realize that not everyone may not feel so mesmerized by the subject. If it is YOUR body you wish to affect, then that becomes a different story.

You want to lose weight. You want to gain weight. You want to run a marathon. You want to swim 25 laps every day. You want to become an elite gymnast. You want to become a fit 40 year old woman. You want to remain a fit 47 year old woman. You want to become a more fit 52 year old man. You want to become a fit 35 year old man. You want to become Strong. You want to become Flexible. You want to become Agile. You want to become Stable. You want to become Mobile.

The more you know about YOUR body's way, the more power you have to reach your goals.

The Body's Way is our ideal. Open Gray's Anatomy and you'll see The Body's Way in visual. The Body's Way is the schematic. It tells us how we are put together and how we are to use our parts. The Body's Way shows us that we have muscles and joints so we're built to move. Sitting still for long periods has adverse effects on the way we feel (stiff, sore, fuzzy-headed, etc) so we should move often.

Going back to the mechanic. I have made it abundantly clear that I do not need to be a mechanic to operate my car, but it is to my advantage to understand how my body works in order to operate IT properly and achieve my goals. We are all generally built with the same stuff - give or take a male or a female! The really cool stuff is uncovering how WE do things our own way.

I know my body better than anyone!! I just have to be willing to listen.

POINT: After living, dancing, playing hockey, racquetball, soccer, volleyball and softball in my body with my particular disposition (I tend to be recklessly competitive) my body is no longer the ideal. I have muscle imbalances from many years of doing what came more easily. I have scar tissue from injuries and surgeries. I have premature wear and tear from a body that has been over-used and abused by careless useage. Emotional issues also leave their marks on how I move and how I use my body today.

All of that said, knowing this gives me the power to consciously heal in one particular area. That may mean waiting to begin something or going slow and being gentle. Knowing that my quads and glutes are strong, but my psoas is tight reminds me not to overdo the movements that my strong legs like.

This gives me the power to personalize. This gives you the power to personalize. The power to choose your goal and understand in a new way, how to realize that goal.

Conditioning

Once again my mother is my inspiration. I wish I could say that I have patterned my life in wellness, health and fitness from her wonderful example. The truth is that she is in a Georgia hospital for what may be the last time. For more years than I probably know, my mother has gone through her life in a body she loathed, disconnected from and refused to nurture. In response her body began to give up on her. Passively, she relinquished control of her life and it could not have been more dramatically reflected than in the condition of her body.

Conditioning.

Strength. Flexibility. Agility. Mobility. Stability.

Body. Mind. Spirit. Emotions.

Condition the Body to be strong enough to be playful, flexible and agile enough to get up and down from the floor and mobile and stable enough to always be Dancing Through Life.

Condition the Mind. Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a beautiful book called "The Four Agreements - A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom". In Nia we have adopted those concepts into what we call the "Energy Allies".

• Speak Impeccably - Say what needs to be said, no more, no less.
• Don't Assume Anything - Assumptions bring stories, stories bring drama, drama brings pain. If you're wondering, go to the source and ASK!
• Don't Take Anything Personally - Everyone has their own story and can only live through their own story. It is not your story or mine so even if someone is screaming at you, it is not your story and likely not about you at all.
• Always Do Your Best - My best varies from day to day and moment to moment, but if I am truly doing my best in the moment I have no reason to judge myself and get caught up in the guilt, blame and self-punishment cycle.

It is my intention to always be in relationship with our Energy Allies and the results, for me, have been nothing short of remarkable. I'm not the poster child for perfection with them, but I can say that I am doing my best. It makes my life easier and often, not always, makes life easier for those around me!!

Condition the Emotions. Bring the Energy Allies into your life and give yourself the gift of having more freedom in your emotions. That is not to say that you will not feel pain or anger or resentment. For me, it's been like "picking my battles". In a situation I now take a split second to think to myself, "Ok, is this really important?", "Was that really an insult?", "If it was, do I care?". If the answer is no, then I have freed myself from what I perceive as unnecesary suffering. Not only that, but I may have stopped myself from causing suffering to another person.

Condition the Spirit by being open to inspiration from unexpected sources. "I just knew the phone was going to ring", "this decision just feels so right", "we were having this conversation and the idea just dropped into my head!", "I know I'm doing the right thing", "I just had to connect to that person in that moment". Personally I try to spend alot of my time here. I'm a creative person and I never know where inspiration is going to come from. With experience I have come to never shut down the opportunity for revelation.

I wish I could have shared these concepts with my mother. Whether she recovers this time or not, she will always be a significant inspiration for me to live a more balanced life.

Now, how does all this affect the immune system...

The Power of This Moment

This moment is all we have. Stay in your body in this moment. Stay in your quiet mind inthis moment. Stay emotionally unattached to thoughts in this moment (my big challenge!).

It seems that we have been conditioned to overlook the moment. We look, talk and plan for the future. We relish, regret and remember the past.

How are we in relationship with the only time that is truly ours? Are we distracted? Not feeling deeply, not hearing completely, not fully present.

Awareness

Why is it important to increase and sustain Awareness in the body, mind, spirit and emotions?

If I am sustaining Awareness in all four realms, I am fully present to what is happening inside of me and around me. I am also more likely to notice if something isn't right before a problem can arise.

Physical Awareness. Check in and ask your body how it feels in this moment. Listen for a Sensation word (Sensation Vocabulary).

Becoming more connected with how your body is feeling at any given moment allows you to adjust for comfort and ease, an effective way to conserve energy. It also opens the door for self-healing if you sense that something is not quite right. A twinge, a nagging tightness, a bit of soreness are all subtle indicators of an injury in the making. Often making small changes in the way a movement is performed or adjusting a sitting position can make a big difference.

Emotional Awareness. Check in with your emotions. Name the emotion you are feeling right now. If you're not sure what you're feeling, go to your Emotion Vocabulary and try a few on. Try them all on!

Becoming more aware of you emotional state means that you will be less likely to lose your temper and not know why. Being present to your emotional state means that you notice the little things that are bothering you and you both address them immediately (if possible) and get resolution or you hold onto what troubles you and it begins to grow out of proportion. When you finally do express your feelings, you may overreact; exploding over something or someone that may not have deserved that level of response.

Mental Awareness. Check in with your mind. Is your mind clear, quiet and calm? Is your mind full of chatter, energy scattered and frenetic? Go to your Mental Vocabulary.

Becoming more aware of the state of your mind means you can create the environement for a cclear, quiet mind with which to process your day. It also means you are able to bring stillness and peace to your mind when you need to. Your mind is not cluttered with thoughts that you hold on to and worry over or create stories about when you don't have all of the information. In other word, you are taking care of the housekeeping duties of your mind.

HEALING... Am I digressing????

Am I wandering away from the "I want to start a business"? Nope - still at it.

Healing. My body is.
I move with awareness and I listen when it tells me "no", or "not that way". From a body I hated and hurt to tolerate because no matter what I did, I could not have a "ballet" body to one I respect, honor and would not want any other way. I am stronger, more flexible, more stable, more pliable, more agile and I love my body. Does my body look as fit as it did before? Come to class and find out!

Healing. My mind is.
I stopped creating and listening to the chatter that created pain and disconnection - assumptions, stories, drama. My mind is becoming more like Union Station: thoughts come in and go out, no sticking around. If it's really important, it'll come back around. The sensation of freedom is lovely. I can conserve my mental energy. Now I have more room for creativity!

Healing. My emotions.
I am passionate and intense. By releasing the habit of taking things personally I have given myself the gift of peace. Since most of what is going on around me is not about me, I don't have to react and be angry, or hurt or disappointed. I can conserve my emotional energy.

I am not perfect at any of it, but these opportunities to heal have offered shifts for me in wonderful ways. This is the Nia I want to share now.

Yes! There IS something else - NIA!!!

When I first took a Nia class I really wasn't sure it was for me. Are you shocked?! Is this the place where I'm only suppose to say the right thing - boy have you got the wrong girl!

Ok, I was beating the hell out of my body every time I worked out. I am a mesomorphic body type so not only did I get strong but I grew muscle like crazy. I could re-shape my body by lifting insane weight at safe and not-so-safe angles - AND if I performed 8,000 reps I wouldn't bulk up (I am truly one of the women who can put on muscle size). No Nia didn't feel right. Nia didn't hurt and it didn't demand that I move through the class ignoring my poor screaming knees (and other parts). Nia and my first Nia teacher, trainer Stephaney Robinson invited me to listen to my body. "Invited" me to what?!? Oh, hell no, if I listen I hear the screaming - no no noooooooo!!!! Then I won't have this beautiful body - noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I told Stephaney no, thank you, she smiled gently and replied, "when you're ready".

That was around 1998. In 1999 I took my Nia White Belt Intensive. For anyone who has talked to me, I have told you that I took my WB in 2000 - I was wrong! I ran across my certificate tonight and 'look at that', 1999!

When I returned from WB I told anyone who would listen that it had changed my life.

I began to teach Nia in 2004. I can be extremely hard-headed and stubborn so I began to teach Nia after going back to teaching Step for about 3 months!

I have been teaching since 2004 and just completed my Brown Belt intensive (and a FAB [For All Belts] for good measure) and Nia continues to change my life.

I am no longer just a body in motion and Nia is not just a physical fitness program. I am a whole being; I move through Body, I move through Mind, I move through Emotions and I move through Spirit. I move with a pleasure I could not have imagined. I move in Joy as a sensation. I move consciously and with awareness. And there's rarely any screaming! I am still healing the enormous damage I have done to my body but the point here is I AM HEALING...

Nia, the "more" part...

Are you holding your breath????? Me too!

I have been a mover all of my life so I know how to get from point A to point B. My body knows what to do when I say "weight shift" or "travel" and "crawl", yep, my body can do those things. But when I began inviting the other voices or influences; my mind, my emotions and my spirit to to tell me to move, the inspiration was a little more like "shift your weight along a smile line", "travel like a bobcat (versus a Puma) across the floor", "crawl with a serpentine spine". Mmmm, now this was something else altogether! I am not only engaging my body to become fit, well and healthy. Now, I am training myself as a whole being, addressing mind, emotions and spirit as well as my body.

I was "physically fit" before I discovered Nia. I was an aerobics-now-group-exercise instructor and personal trainer after all. At that point being in and out of physical therapy for every joint in my body (except my wrists) was the price to pay for being as fit as I was. Wow, and I looked great too! I walked around feeling like I had just been in a car accident, but damn I looked good! And my students wanted to look like me too - they told me. At first I was very flattered, then it really began to bother me. I made the choices to work like a recruit from Muscle and Fitness mag - I consumed very little fat, I rarely enjoyed eating, a drank a little water and I worked out like a woman possessed - all the time. I brought my workout ethic into my classes - what's a little pain for those gorgeous legs and the six-pack - ok, it was alot of pain but who's counting?! Something was nagging at me. I was hurting all the time. My students were hurting and they were accepting it. There must be something else.

Nia and the Core

As I said, just moments ago - I like the drama of a pause - my father introduced me to the core. As he taught me to skate, he would tell me to keep my "cg" (he's a retired mechanical engineer), my center of gravity, slightly low. If I tried to fall he would say with frightening enthusiasm, "Lower your cg!! Lower your cg!!" Mostly I didn't fall. He also taught me to line up my pelvis, chest and head (my Nia core). In this posture, you are balanced, he said. He felt it in his body, it felt right and it worked - that is a gift my father gave me - body awareness.

When I was older I taught aerobics - I loved two elements the best: leg work and core work! Leg work came naturally to my body and core work was a kick. Holy cow, the stuff I could do when my core was strong! Oh, did I mention that I am also a dancer?!? Yea, started that at 3... Anyway, how many different ways could I dream up to do core work? Fun! Sick, you may be thinking! Then I discovered Pilates - more fun. Pilates is great, but not exactly a fit for me.

FINALLY, I discovered Nia! My body found what it had been looking for - a movement program - a fitness program that challenged (and continues to challenge) every inch of me. Nia is inherently core-based. In a Nia class, there are no crunches (how functional are crunches anyway???)! The entire class challenges the core from 13 joint warm up to the final sensations of strength, flexibility, agility, mobility and stability in Floor Play. Thank you Debbie Rosas Stewart and Carlos AyaRosas!

Nice plug for Nia, don't you think? It's brilliant and the quality of the fitness program stands for itself. However, there's more...

Pre-Nia

I first learned about the core and how to use it from my dad when I was 13. My fiesty, intense French father had a passion for hockey skating. Since we lived in Savannah, Georgia, there wasn't much opportunity. But, when the rink opened at Christmastime he was there. One year he insisted I go too. Being a teenager I resisted, but once he got me on the ice, I was hooked. Not only was I hooked on ice skating, but I was hooked on the body in motion. I was amazed at the way the muscles in my abdomen contracted like mad when I did my best to fall. How tight my thight muscles (later identified as "quadriceps") were after skating and how excruciating the next morning!

I had no way to know (and neither did my father), but he had opened the door for what would become to love of my life, the passion that drives me to move and create a business based on the heartbreaking beauty that is our bodies in motion.

Tools for Transformation - The Art, Science and Craft of Living a More Joyful Life

More Brainstorming...

I think I'll start a business!

I am a Nia teacher. That means that I am a guide into the Joy of Movement, Pleasure with Purpose (thank you Karol McNutt, Blue Belt Nia teacher), and The Body's Way.

Nia is rich. Nia is a fitness practice as well as a lifestyle practice. While I practice Nia to stay fit, Nia is also my lifestyle. For the past 6 years I have been sharing Nia through the Body and the Mind, primarily as the fitness practice. In very small pieces I have been sharing Nia as the lifestyle practice. It is time for me to begin sharing Nia they way I believe it is intended to be shared: as a Body, Mind, Spirit and Emotions Fitness Movement Lifestyle program.

With this in mind, I have begun to create Tools for Transformation. T4T is under the umbrella of Nia Body Journeys which also includes Nia Classes, and One-on-One Nia-based Training as well as Workshops, Jams, Labs, Nia Parties and other community events.

T4T is intended to be offered to groups outside of a fitness class. T4T is intended for businesses and corporations as part of their in-house wellness programs, for wellness centers as a facet of their existing wellness programming, fitness centers to introduce or deepen wellness programming. T4T is intended to be shared with any group of people who are interested in investing in holistic programming.

Within T4T there are interactive Lecture/Discussion and movement segments, Nia classes and workshops.

What makes the workshop under T4T different from the workshops under NBJ is that the T4T workshops are dedicated to the following topics/headings specifically intended to support people in making healthy lifestyle changes of life during a lunch hour, or before/after work hour on the premises of the business through :

• Awareness
• Self-Activation
• Conditioning
• Body Works - The Body's Way and Your Body's Way
• 9 Movement Forms
• The Power of this Moment

The workshops offered under NBJ have a wider scope of topics, more time for the experience and the venue is more likely to be a dance studio or fitness/wellness center.

Tools for Transformation-the Art, Science and Craft of Living a Joyful Life

Brainstorming 101

First Do No Harm. Hippocratic Oath.

This sounds so simple. Straight forward. To the point. Easy to do.

How about the Four Agreements?
Author, teacher, healer, and surgeon, Don Miguel Ruiz invites:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
3. Don't Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

Simple. Straight Forward. Direct. Easy.

These invitations, this advice, seems so obvious, natural even. Then why is it that so few of us live lives that integrate these easy, simple, natural concepts? Why is communication in any form so difficult? Why does it seem that life and business is fraught with an abundance of miunderstandings rather than an abundance of cooperation and satisfaction?

As I test the new waters of developing a wellness program, I find myself asking the following questions:

• Why are so many people unhappy in their lives?
• Why are so many people unhappy in their jobs?
• Why do so many of the people I talk to feel that they are not in control of their lives?
• Why do we seem to think that if we can do more, be more, make more money, have more things we will be happy?
• Why do we need external forces to make us happy?
• When do we have enough?
• With all of this unhappiness, why doesn't anything change?!?

Another set of questions:

• Are we enough?
• If we're not enough? What is missing?
• Enough for what?
• If we're not enough, when will we be enough?
• Can we be enough right now, in this moment? Why not?
• Will someone please define "having enough" for me.

Considering that we are all sort of a work in progress (we always have something to learn, we can always have more fun, explore more pleasure, make more friends, have more parties), are we not also just right for this moment? Even if we have something to learn right this minute, aren't we learning it? If we're not, then aren't we in the right place to be not learning it?

AREN'T WE ENOUGH IN THIS MOMENT?!

Every day is not the same. Yesterday was dark, blustery and threatening. 3 days ago it was rainy. Today is mild with the sun taking ocassional peeks out. 2 days ago it was bright and sunny. Do we say that 3 days ago the weather was wrong? Do we not have enough weather? We do comment in times of drought that we don't get enough rain. Since we're not in command of the weather, are we right? Does the weather on this planet not support, sustain and nurture us? It is enough.

Yesterday I was depressed, blue, sad, and scared. 3 days ago I felt like I was on my way to my new life; hopeful, excited and positive. Today I am calm but driven to move forward into my new life, working like a mad woman; loving the feeling of growth and expansion.

I am enough.

The Joy of Movement - Exploration through Sensation

Experiencing Joy as a sensation in daily life is a choice. Choosing the sensation of Joy is how Nia works her magic.

Choose Joy by listening to what you body gives you as feedback. If your body tells you "this feels good", "I feel strong and flexible" "Yuuummmm", then keep doing what you're doing. However, if your body tells you, "this hurts", "too fast", "too hard", "I'm holding my breath to push through this", then stop. Stop. Take a breath, then Modify, Tweak and Adjust until the sensation of Joy returns and your body tells you "this is better" through sensation.

Where there is Joy in movement, there is Joy in life!