Peace and Quiet: Who Knew?

Finding peace in the midst of this hurricane that has been my life is a desire I have spent the better part of this year (and much of my life) lamenting (ok, fine - whining) over.

So much time, so much wasted energy and ALL I HAD TO DO WAS 

STOP TALKING!

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

"When the time is right."

When I need the information, it will be available for me.

Three days ago I discovered the ability to quiet the running commentary that has been a part of my mental self for as long as I can remember. I don't mean ignore, control or get rid of thoughts I didn't want to have. (Personally I do not believe such a thing is possible since the natural reaction is to think more about the "forbidden" thing rather than less!)

I have been doing study work for my Black Belt intensive, and concepts that did not resonate with me previously are becoming clear (or more clear). Yay! The best part has been the integration of concepts that previously felt foreign. With each belt intensive my integration process  is a little different. Sometimes it feels as though a principle had been mine all my life, with others, I feel as though I'm thinking through mud! 

Why?

When the principle was not easily embodied FIRST - my mind jumped in and started chatting. 

All this time (since my White Belt in 1999), I've been fighting the trees to see the damn forest!

I've spent my entire life monitoring the emotional equivalent of ricocheting bullets. In quiet, day-to-day life, my emotional body hums. During periods of stress, restlessness in all realms, and emotional volatility belied the unbearable presence of my overfed emotional self. 

The more consistently I work with my Nia principles (particularly Brown 2, 4 and 6) the more I understand what fuels and feeds my emotional energy. Most recently integration has given me peace and quiet. Without the ongoing monologue to feed my emotions, and keep me aching, angry or hurt, I am simply quiet and watching - waiting for what comes next.

Once I let go of the commentaries, I noticed that there has been reduced tension in my body and my emotions have been settled. As I have never before been a woman with "settled" emotions, I keep going in to feel! HA! Settled. 

Above, I used the expression "let go of" in terms of quieting my mind. I do not push my thoughts away, I don't argue with them and I don't attempt to ignore them. I take a breath, let my body soften and expand (as opposed to contracting or huddling around  the effort) and I let the chatter slip away. Oh, yea, and I've been sleeping better!

This is a new way to be, for me. Lovely. Elegant. Smooth. Comfortable.

Do I own it? Definitely not. It's a practice and being Embryonic, if I'm not vigilant I'll slip back into old patterns. I catch the monologue in mid-tsunami throughout the day (complete with body tension and emotion) and let it go - ahhhhhhhhhh - peace.

Peace.

Slow Motion - Intimate Somatics

I love learning new choreography - new Nia moves and the organic stuff that I generate from my personal fusion of Modern/Jazz/Ballet/Hip Hop. I listen to the music and let my body do what it wants, wading through my habits & tendencies until something fresh clicks. I have learned not to go looking. Actually it's when I'm NOT looking that the good stuff comes! (Isn’t that always the way!)

Mmmm, and what of the power of 3… my relationship with the music? (But that's juicy stuff for another day!!)

In general, if I'm not getting a move, continuing to move through at tempo doesn't work for me. If I don’t slow down I will simply be following somebody else’s directions and I will have to continue to follow since I am learning only a superficial level. It’s kind of the equivalent of never asking ‘why’. I’m just doing what I’ve been told me to do – and we all know I’m not good at that!!! It’s also no fun. Yea, someone else got me a new toy, but I only get to look at it, I can’t actually take it down off the shelves (or out of the garage!) and take it for a spin – I don’t know how to use it – it’s not mine.

Along the way I have noticed how unpolished, sometimes raw the material that bubbles up can be. Even as I spend time repeating and repeating so my body doesn't forget, it is still an unrefined little piece of a puzzle. For me, it's only when I slow it down; dismantle, breakdown, disassemble the movement word or sentence that I begin to understand what I've got, somatically speaking. And only in discovering the details, the buried treasure, will the moves ever be mine.

Another thing: expression and flavoring a move are completely in the details. That move has to be in my cells if I want to share its story. To do that, I take it apart so that I will learn that the foot step actually begins w/the heel and the arm thrash has to come from the base not the shoulder. Debbie Rosas Stewart and Carlos AyaRosas shared their genius with us and this part of the work that engrosses my mental body never ceases to inspire body, spirit and emotion as well!

Ooooo, soaring with wings is all about my shoulder blades and collar bones today, but if I add a very subtle undulation to my wing movement, I can engage more of my core. If I take it a step further and increase the range of motion in my wings and add travel and wish to sustain flying, then my feet become the base from which I create my flight. Adding my feet is also a lovely way to increase my energy so that I can sustain flight. Being in relationship with my feet and legs as well as the degree of intimacy I have with my base will determine not only the amount of energy I am circulating, but also the emotional connection that is available to me.

If I am busy working to maintain flight, I have less energy with which to connect to my emoting process. If I cannot connect and be present to my emotional body, my movements will be all mechanics. They will be assembly line. Lifeless; meaningless. Empty and colorless. Out of balance.

(Alot like life as a whole without emotional balance.)

My mental self will be complaining that I’mtiredandcan’tIdosomethingelse (you know, ‘are we there yet?’) andwhenarewegoingtodosomethingdifferentthisisboring… Spirit? Lost in translation. Lost in the ocean of  it’sallIcandotomaintain…battery running low…running out of juice…can’t go on much longer…

Settle and Open

Look and See

Body. Mind. Spirit. Emotion. Blend. Connect. Sense.

Slooooooooooooooow …

Awareness in action.

Insight expanded.

Intimacy in motion.