Dancing in the Storm - My Nia Practice, Part 2

I had a little epiphany a day or 2 ago. Years ago I realized that I process the information I receive from the intensives I attend when I'm ready.

My epiphany was that I also process Nia classes the same way.

I've been teaching now for about 8 years and I just fell across this one!

My teaching model has been for me to gather the information, digest it and share it in such a way that it fits the context of the class, the demographics, timing, etc. From aerobics to Nia that really didn't change. What did change was learning to teach from my personal somatic experience as well as my experience stemming from the other 3 realms, mind, spirit and emotions.

Talk about "when the student is ready"... I'm not sure how ready I would have told you I was when I stepped into 2011, but I know now that this year with it's brutal storm of 'opportunities for growth' has created change like few other periods in my life.

It is my conviction, therefore, that I came to my little discovery due to the fact that I have been living so profoundly immersed in my experience.

I didn't fully trust the process (that the information would come to me when the time was right/when I was ready for it) during and after my first White Belt intensive although that week was still life-changing. At Blue I did not have anything practical I could draw on, but I was committed so I extended conscious trust. The key, for me is not so much expecting something but waiting without attachments.

Simply put, I now trust that my being is processing from the minute I step into the experience (intensive or class).

I take some information immediately with me in the form of thoughts. I may acknowledge how interesting, mind-blowing, or fresh a bit of information is to me. I may have physical sensations related to the experience: fatigue, achiness, tension, weariness, heaviness, lightness, pressure or ease. I may feel overwhelmed emotionally, or elated, or confused, angry, frustrated, invigorated, disappointed, relieved, etc. I may be receiving from my spirit realm or it may be quiet; I may not understand what I am receiving, nor what I should do with it. All of that is my way of digesting. For a few days after I get home I feel out-of-place, out of 'routine' and wonder how I'm going to teach my next class with a head that is either so full I don't know how I'm going to organize myself or I feel so empty I don't feel ready to teach. The feeling of emptiness is typical for me. It's my response to being overwhelmed. It's as though everything simply leaked out of my ears to relieve the pressure! If I don't panic and go searching, my brain will organize and my nervous system will re-boot and I'll be ready. (I've also noticed that I am particularly quiet for 2-3 weeks following an intensive. My cueing is very concise, almost taciturn.) 

When I take a class that inspires me, I will often go through a similar digestion experience. This week has been an example. I took class from Kim last Saturday. She shared Zensation! I hadn't taught Zensation is a long time but my body remembered. I left stimulated and decided to teach it the next day. I was my "bubble" of Zensation.

A couple of days later, it dawned on me what was happening.

I've shared Zensation twice since Saturday. Interestingly these classes felt grounded and soundly tight-but-loose, but the lovliest part of it was the ease with which I could deliver them. These classes flowed. Music played, my body moved and shared, my mind and spirit shared, within the form of Debbie's choreography and with my creative freedom.

I have committed to Nia not only as a fitness program to share but as a lifestyle practice. This said, I fully realize that due to my commitment, I'm going to visit my comfort's edge on a regular basis. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. These days I'm not only waiting for it, I am inviting it. What I'm saying is that I have opened the door and invited the Storm in. Stuff happens all the time to everybody everywhere. I could deny the Stuff, I could take a breath, close my eyes and wait for it to pass, pretend it's not happening, ignore it or I could steel myself against the coming challenge so that I won't feel/receive the message; new wisdom. I've done that, all that. Now, I'd like to move forward.

This year, I've turned to look into the Storm.

(I am not claiming bravery here - not at all - nothing could be further from this truth.)

How else will I see , if I don't look into the tempest?

Last year my Brown Belt intensive left me open, strong and wounded*. Like every intensive for me, I'd opened a door I couldn't close so I had to walk through. This year has been walking through the door, manymanymanymanymanymanymany doors.

(*For clarity let me say that there was nothing in the Brown Belt intensive that wounded me. I had revelations and experiences that brought information to the surface. The processing choices I made resulted in wounds - often my experience.)

To say that I am surprised to recognize the face I see in the mirror is an understatement!

Truthfully, I'm a hoping that the Storm will slow and even quiet for a little while. As grateful as I am for all of the gifts I have received this year, like a broken bone, I need time for remodeling to occur.

Let me also clarify that I am not being put-upon - I am not having life done to me. I have been an active participant here. Even though I have no control over my mother's complete loss of mobility in mind and body and my father's faltering memory, I have chosen how to manage these happenings in my life.

My way to slow and quiet the Storm and remodel? Go back to school (for Plan B) - a         16-week Anatomy and Physiology course offered in 8 weeks and preparing for the Black Belt intensive a couple of weeks after that! I am deeply and desperately in love with the subject matter and the human body and it feeds me and, happily, it feeds my classes - my students and Nia. Nice symbiosis.

I've got bones to memorize!

Btw - did you know that Vitamin D, synthesized from cholesterol through light (you know, that 15 minutes of UN-sunscreened time we spend OUTside [ideally, though any light source will do]) is considered a hormone responsible for getting calcium (from our diet) from the intestines into the blood and to where it's needed?

Shrek and My Nia Practice Part 1

I love to dance.

I believe this is a well-established fact. For anyone tuning in late, just know that I will pretty much dance anywhere, any time with almost any other Body, for any reason (do I really need a reason?!?), in the presence of music or silence.

When I was embryonic in my practice, one of my challenges was to resist the temptation to attach to the music. In other words, to resist being drawn into whether or not I "like" the music. 

Background: when I was teaching conventional fitness (step, hi/lo, kick boxing, boxing, Pilates, water, etc) I changed music constantly. I was often bored and the music I chose was directly related to my moods.

The music is a rich tapestry of sounds that are interwoven into the entire experience that is Nia.

In the beginning some music made me cringe, I would sense the drop in my energy level and the impeccability level of my practice would also drop. Or, I had little connection with the music (please read "connect" to mean "like") but the choreography would compensate. Energy level a bit higher, still an incomplete practice with a lagging sense of impeccability.

I have never been bored teaching Nia but I have had my restless moments. Moments in which I wanted to jump into another routine before I'd finished even learning the one I was teaching.

(Btw, I do not wait for perfection or complete knowledge before I begin to teach a routine. I learn the "bones" or the framework - 2-3 moves per song and the rest of my process continues as I teach.)

The Onion.

A few years ago on the teacher's forum there was a discussion about teaching routines for weeks at a time. I couldn't imagine. The same routine, as designed. So I did it. My process looked something like this:

Watch then dance with the dvd multiple times (yes, 5 to 7 times is about right). Listen to the music every chance I get. Note the choreography. I will usually teach a routine before I bar it. Not impeccable I realize.

I share the routine with my students. As I guide my students I step more deeply into experiencing the connection between the music and the choreography.

If I've been sharing a routine for a while (a month or longer) I probably haven't danced with the dvd since I spread my wings.

I go back to the dvd. There's always a move I didn't completely embody, or a cue that changes the dynamic of a move or the sensation of the move. Each time I approach a routine, no matter how many times I've taught it, if I am present, I will see, sense, imagine, realize, manifest or understand something new. If I check out and get into my habits, playing the dvd "in the background", then I am less likely to be inspired.

What I find fascinating is when I come to a move or a combination that my body "doesn't understand".

That could be mean the timing is a change from my natural rhythm. It could be that the move is a challenge to my nervous system. It could be that my body needs more time to learn and embody the transition between moves than it needs to learn and embody the rest of the choreography. If my body has not worked through the challenge and my execution and cueing is not smooth or comfortable when I feel ready to share the rest of the routine, I replace the song. Not permanently. I have discovered that if I replace the song for the class but continue to gently move through the choreography in my practice, eventually my body will learn and embody.

What does Shrek and The Onion have to do with my Nia Practice?

Seriously?!?!?

LAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots and Lots of LAYERS!

:)

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, er, onion...

How Do You Feel?

My Sensation Vocabulary

Powerful Quick Achy Soft Showy Sassy Loose Jangly Slippery Weightless Precise Free Centered

 Light Graceful Liquid Energetic Sloppy Crispy Electric Lively Expressive Empty Warm Full

Fluid Heavy Responsive Solid Playful Tight Agile Bound Sharp Mechanical Wild Yang

Masculine Stuck Slow Connected Sexy Flexible Rooted Strong Aggressive Floaty Mushy

Languid Cold Prickly Stable Yummy Hollow Yin Feminine Bubbly Fit Edgy Relaxed Weary

Adventurous Alert Bold Fidgety Hot Calm Luke-Warm Unsteady Weak Fluffy Stimulated Wide

Sticky Vibrant Oscillating UnStable Tense Juicy Dry Coarse Silky Velvety

Karen Small designed a very cool Wordle out of these words!
Help Yourself!

My Body, the Oracle

This is kind of long, but I'm grateful to share this experience with you.

I bought an entire album from iTunes a couple of weeks ago. A teacher/friend shared this music with me and my body loved it right away.

When I started working with it, nothing clicked. Not new. I felt like I was dancing someone else's body. I left it alone for awhile, but my body kept asking me to move to it. Last week I free danced to this and again fell in love.

I'll come back to this.

Whatever my mood, whatever may be going on in the moment, I always want to dance. Sometimes I dance to escape. Sometimes I dance to blow off steam. Sometimes I dance to learn something new. I dance to refine. I dance to be a student. I dance to be a better Nia teacher. I dance to be a better human. These days, I realized this morning, I am dancing to shift.

I knew something was wrong. 

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that my four realms were so restless that I desperately needed to dance, but I couldn't settle on what was being asked for. Not one Nia routine felt 'right', free dance found me wandering lethargic and unfocused, around the room - ah ha. This visceral coiling of restlessness reflected my life in turmoil.

It was my body's turn to process the tremendous amount of information my mind and heart have been floundering to make sense of. The epiphanies and the opportunities-for-growth (you can insert a sarcastic tone here if you like!) have been rolling in so hard and so fast, I can hardly look inside and see myself.  

It had finally reached my dance - my body.

Monday, during my practice with Cadence, my body asked for something older. I went to Agolo. Mmm, on the right track.

Tuesday, Mood Food and The Dance, oh yea. The restlessness was

This morning my body asked for my new music. The soft, subtle stirrings of sound began and I stood, waiting. Nothing. I began to move in my usual warmup way. Nope.

Go To The Floor.

That was what I had been waiting for.

For 7 minutes and 20 seconds my body explored the first stage of the Nia 5 Stages process, Embryonic. What my body took me through was very different from Stage 1 I usually talk myself through. This Embryonic was physically engulfing. My mind, spirit and emotions were in stillness. No words belonged here.

Somewhere into the second song, my body shifted into Creeping, the 2nd stage. Again, nothing resembling the Creeping I'd felt in the past. I was acutely aware of my bones. Movement brought pain and my mind shrugged. Some internal struggle ensued; "not this time" my body decided and I let go of tendency. Pain diminished.

For the next 7 or so minutes, I explored the 2nd stage with little more than breaths and tweaks. With my mind having relinquished what it thought it knew, my body had the opportunity to be in Creeping in a new way - for the sake of relief. For healing.

The 3rd song, also around 7 minutes, still found me in Creeping, with not only pain relief but a more settled heart.

(Looking back on this I wonder if I was truly ready to shift into Crawling when I did.) This shift was definitely not the way I shift from Creeping to Crawling in the classes I teach or even in my personal practice. This was not pretty. It may have been beautiful. It may have been touching. It may have been painful to watch. But it was not pretty. It was beyond functional. It was Primal. In physical terms it was a fall from grace.

(I like grace. I love feeling graceful. In my body it takes strength to express grace. At its most interesting, dancing through grace is literally a second to second experience of connecting movement dots. Complete focus. And often physical pain is present as I find ways to express emotional and mental pain. On a physical level, when I dance, I am about grace.)

Crawling brought me a physical epiphany - those I love. Physical communication I get! I usually understand right away what to do with those!!

While Crawling, I noticed that the movement that was occurring in my hip joints to swing my thighbone forward was not a straight motion. I looked down and witnessed each knee swinging out and away from my body before landing on the floor to accept my weight.

I may even have stopped breathing for a second. I love these moments.

 I continued to watch and then I made a change. I asked my hip joints to, please, swing my knees foward in a straighter line. There was aggreement and this dance continued. As I stayed connected to this new way of moving, I noticed that my neck was getting tight and my wrists were beginning to squeak. I had not experienced either, ever before in my 5 Stages practice.

Shifting from Crawling to Standing was about as glamorous as the shift from Creeping to Crawling. By this point I had released my physical need for control and my emotional need for grace (no, it's not backwards). I deeply appreciated this shift. Walking felt smooth and connected - connected to what? Everything. In that moment, I sensed all of my realms in a place of Relaxed, Alert and Waiting.  

In my bones, sans the visceral squirming and with this new awareness in my hip joints, freedance was a new experience. I sensed my body's desire for effortlessness. Moving from my bones brought this brand new sensation; not just relaxation (this I knew) but honest effortlessness.

After an hour of moving through the 5 Stages, I decided to dance Mood Food.

I danced from quiet. I danced from my bones. I danced the new revelation in my hip joints.

I have always loved Mood Food and I've taught it often. It kicks my ass every time - much-much base work and many opportunities to work through my low plane at level 3. I end up completely drenched, hair and clothes dripping. I have always pushed my anaerobic threshold with this one.

Today I explored my low planes with ease I have never felt before. I did not work harder to execute sinking more deeply.

I sensed that my muscles were responding to the fact that I was moving in my bones and the difference was a framework of ease.

I literally felt my body as my frame, my bones the structural foundation to support all that is me and I danced this routine in a body that had released pain and struggle, control and habit

and re-defined grace.

After sitting to write this - about 2+ hours, I feel the sensation of change in my hips and my back. Not the same relentless, knife-sharp reminder of history and physical imperfection, but a gentle ache that asks I not forget that even moving forward can be uncomfortable.

Stepping Out to Look In - The Power I Give to Words

My favorite word is "why"!

It has been my favorite word since I was a child.

I wanted to know why I couldn't have that thing I wanted, and why my friend couldn't come over and play, why the boy down the street can't stand on his broken leg, and why can't men have babies???????????????????????????????

• Why helped me figure out how I learn and how it is different from the majority of the population.
• Why helped me understand my injuries and how to overcome them.
• Why has helped me stay mobile and "well-preserved" (thanks Joe!).
• Why has helped me (to some degree) understand my parents and the choices they made in parenting.

I am going to give 'why' a rest for this.

On Saturday my post was on the power of words. This is a familiar subject for me. While I have come a long way in terms of not taking much personally, I still give word choice power (thanks, Jason).

My instinct: Why?

My choice: to become aware of which words I empower and neutralize them.

I may look at 'why' later.

Words are sounds that are combined to communicate ideas between beings. When I attach meaning, ideas are communicated efficiently. When I attach emotion or judgment, the ideas become secondary. I become unable to receive the idea with purity.

I also become unable to transmit with purity.

Now I am communicating through a veil of emotion and judgment. This is a struggle that requires energy. 

Two words that are or have been emotionally/mentally loaded for me:

Sacred

Slut

'Sacred' is still meaningful to me, but I no longer recoil when I hear it used or use it. I have a sense of energy balance when I use 'sacred' now.

'Slut', however, is fully loaded. I always give my attention to the user/speaker. It speaks less to me about the intended receiver and more about the transmitter.

If I diffuse the word, the transmitter loses power. The issue becomes a non-issue.

Next, I want to think about context. So I don't give the word power. Does this mean that anyone can say absolutely anything? Am I empowering others to be careless or cruel as long as the word expresses the meaning accurately?

What is the overall feel of the communication?

What is my relationship with the speaker? Does level of vulnerability apply? If I give little power to words, then is it conceiveable that my very closest friend could be ruthlessly critical without fear of consequences? Next, is the "ruthless criticism" helpful?

How far can I take this?

What's the difference between a physical slap in the face and a verbal slap in the face? I can have you arrested for assault for the physical and I can take you to court and sue you for libel (if that is the nature of the v-s-i-t-f).

I haven't actually used the "W" word, but I think I'm stepping in about here!

Before I get too involved in the case for civilization, let's back up again.

I give very little meaning to the word 'sin'. For me, all the definitions are too convoluted and mired in unhealthy religious dogma. When the word is used, I feel a bit sad but that's all. Am I a psychopath? I don't think so (would I know?!). No.

'Slut' - a long time ago a dirty, slovenly woman was called a slut. Somewhere along the way (I haven't researched this part of the history), we began to use it to label a woman whom we believed to be having unmarried sex. Then we tightened the meaning up a bit to point the finger at a woman having lots of unmarried sex. This is not a huge issue for me - the sticks and stones thing.

Here it is:

Blah, blah, blah, say whatever, but when it is acceptable to harm a woman-labeled-slut - what now?

We assigned a label. Free speech. 'Slut' - how about 'chef'? A slut deserves to be raped. Why not a chef? What if the chef makes terrible food? What if there are cases of botulism?

Going a little overboard? Isn't raping a woman going a little overboard?

Is the energy given the word in the first place the energy that feeds the behavior?

I've got work to do...