Authentic - Am I? Who? Pt. 1

Nia asks that I bring who I am to our dance.

Nia asks that I bring my organic dance; that I dance my spirit.

Nia also asks that I explore all facets of myself so that I know my authentic spirit and organic dance when I meet them.

Authentic. Real. True. True to one's own personality, character and spirit.

Organic. Related to or derived from a living organism; of or pertaining to the constitution of structure of a living thing.

My dance is what honestly comes from my body without plan; it is what arrives from what I am.

My dance is what flows from my limitless heart and boundless spirit.

My dance knows no limits and no bounds save for the ones I create or accept.

Why would I create limits?

Why would I accept limits or boundaries (for me) set by someone else?

Why would I create limits for myself?

Is this a "chicken" or an egg" thing?

Would I set limits for myself because I believe the limits someone else has created for me are real?

OR

Do I tend to set limits for others because I set limits for myself and believe others must also have limits?

Why would I submit to another person's definition on what I am or am not and what I can or cannot do?

I've never been good with authority figures (read organic) and taking "no" for an answer has never been my strong suit, so why do I believe some things about myself that are not true?

Possible Answer 1: a long time ago, someone/s I trusted gave me erroneous information. Possibly, hopefully, not on purpose, but still there was trust involved and I was young so the ideas stuck and the ideas became limits.

(Can this be considered some sort of transubstantiation? Yes, I know what transubstatiation means - changing from one thing into another thing. That is what happened.

From "idea" [just words, true or untrue] to "limit" [as concrete and tangible as an idea can get short of literally taking form]. Metaphysical transubstantiation?!?!

Possible Answer 2: my limits are the result of societal and/or cultural beliefs and attitudes.

Mmm, I could dive into cultures controlling their populations, media manipulation, Big Brother watching and other paranoid conspiracy theories, but I think I'll leave that to someone else (who doesn't have as much personal work to do!).

How about innocent keep-the-peace, respect-everyone-around-you, support-a-safe-world idea?

Either way, not to put too fine a point on it: I'm screwed and I've got a helluva lot of work ahead of me to clear out what isn't mine so that I can move ahead with what is. 

So then, who am I - really? Who are you - really?

Give it some thought. I'll do the same and I'll get back to you...

The Power of Words

Our languages are gifts.

Having the ability to speak what is important to us is precious. The ability to hear what is important to another is equally precious.

In the light, with the language of love, our words can inspire, reassure, lift, encourage, and heal. In darkness, and with remarkable subtlety words can diminish, subdue, demean, control, manipulate and break both heart and spirit.

Words are tools, at best, to communicate needs, to express love and the desire for clarification with respect, openness and compassion.

At worst, they are "buttons", verbal icons that represent a weakness, shame or stressor that when used cause great distress, pain and even violent reaction.

It's time that we invite others and allow ourselves to celebrate and respect our amazing biology without judgement and without shame.

Personally I'd like to see the word "sin" banished from our vocabulary in connection to organized religion, love and sex.

In The Four Agreements, author and shaman Don Miguel Ruiz shares the first aggreement:

  "Be Impeccable With Your Word"

"Impeccable" is defined in the following ways:

1. faultless; irreproachable, 2. exempt from the possibility of doing wrong 

 The Random House College Dictionary

2. free from fault or blame

Mirriam Webster

1. having no flaws; perfect

American Heritage Dictionary

Interestingly the word "sin" appeared in every source I explored (about 10). So I looked it up, wondering if there might also be a secular definition. Nope, it's all about trangressions against divine law and willful violation of a religious (or moral) principle. I find that troubling that nowhere is it applied to the treatment of other human beings.

Ruiz shares that "the word is a force; the power you have to express and communciate, to think and to thereby create events in your life.

All the magic you possess is in your word."

Let's try that one again!

"All the magic you possess is in your word."

Rinse and Repeat:

"All the magic you possess is in your word."

That's kinda big, don't you think?

Years ago, Adolfe Hitler destroyed millions of lives by the use of the word. He led his country to war and convinced his people to commit unspeakable acts of violence.

Some years later, Nelson Mandela led his country, divided by fear and skin color, onto the road towards peace, by the power of his word.

To hurt or to heal. To bend or strengthen. To love or to fear.

The choice belongs to each one of us, every single time we draw the breath to speak.

What will you say next?

How will you use your power?

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

---William Ernest Benley (1849-1903)

World's Easiest Self-Empowerment Exercise - Clarification

Due to the wonders of technology, the formatting of my last posting was lacking information, and the source of some of the material did not make it into the post.

For the record, each word, Wish, Deserve, Should, Try and the paragraphs immediately following are credited to Raptitude, April 2011.

World's Easiest Self-Empowerment Exercise

Trash These Weak Words

Am I the only one who has decided the the expression "it's not what you say but how you say it" is only half right?!

It is what you say and it is how you say it!

Or

To put into proper perspective:

It is what I say and it is how I say it.

Not only what I say to others, but also what I say to myself.

The following words are so common in our vocabulary that they are almost invisible, but they are far from innocuous. They are passive words intended not to empower but to pacify (yes, use of those two words was intentional).

 

"Wish"

Do you use the word "wish" when you've decided you don't like something the way it is, but you're not actually doing anything about it? Wishing may give you a little relief from a reality you don't want to deal with, but it sure doesn't move things along.

 Ok, who sang about wishing on a star? A cricket! A cricket?!? I can't stand the rhyme about fishes either but it's closer to my point...

 "Try"

When you insert the word "try" into a sentence, does that mean you're not actually willing to take on the responsibility of promising to do something? It's the ultimate catch-all qualifier for anyone looking to commit absolutely nothing to a particular effort.

I'm with Yoda on this one!

(Translation: Cut the crap and just do it.)

Or

As Flubert said, "Faire et se taire."

(Translation: Stop talking about it and get on with it. [my softer interpretation])

"Should"

Like wish, “should” can be used as a way of placing responsibility for your quality of life on other people, or on the universe at large. Most "shoulds" are really just desperate pleas for your moment to be less troublesome to you.

Mmmm. Maybe it's just me, but I tend to equate "should" with guilt. I get the sense that when it's used, the user is not as passive as the above suggests.

When someone says "I should be cleaning my yard..." what I hear is, "I should be cleaning my yard, but I'm not going to (fill in the reason/excuse/rationalization or don't)." Sounds a little rebellious, but still stuff isn't getting done and forward progress is not happening.

 

"Deserve"

Even among reasonable people, deserve gets out of hand quickly. Deserve is really just a more specific type of “should” - one which refers to what fates people ought to experience. Remember that most violence is rationalized with "deserve."

I can't help myself. Every time I think something like, "I deserve ______", right behind it comes, "what have you done for _____?"

Alright, I do not deserve to have my life taken. But do I "deserve" to be happy when I do absolutely nothing to achieve or invite said happiness into my life?



Rather than empower myself by chucking the concept of something owed to me, I think I'll just sit in this dirty bath water and sulk.

These are all words reflecting personal choice.

World's smallest empowerment exercise:

For one hour, stalk your communication style - the words you choose when you speak to others. Just observe and witness. Also notice how the receiver of your communication reacts. (You may not sit in a room by yourself and call the exercise successful!!)

World's second smallest empowerment exercise:

For one day, stalk your communication style. Again, notice the words you choose.

World's Third smallest empowerment exercise:

For one month, replace the following words

Wish, Try, Should, Deserve

:

and just for grins add the following

Because, Hard

You can discard all of these words at once (good memory) or you can eliminate them in pairs. One at a time seems a little unworthy!

For one Month.

I'm taking my own advice - I'm too fond of "should" for my own good!

Let me know how it goes!!

Sean Morgan Said It Better

"She's wearing dresses on the borderline (look again)
Awaking senses that were lost in time (make amends)
This liberation is the one they'll love for ages
Hey man I seen it coming... yeah

Just cut those dresses make you look so fine (you're a ten)
But I'll make certain you'll look so divine (I'm your man)
This generation won't forgive those signs of aging
Hey man I see they're coming... yeah

I got my ticket for the next make-over
I got my ticket for a stolen bride
I believe (yeah), I believe (yeah), I believe
In the fallen

I believe (yeah), I believe (yeah), I believe
In the fallen

They got injections for the facial lines (make amends)
Break out the scalpel keep the nose defined (look again)
The crucifiction of the love we've known for ages
Hey man I seen it coming... yeah

You're much too pretty you don't need your mind (just pretend)

Just pack the knowledge that your heart's desires (now and then)
A resurrection of the shallow and the vapid
Hey man I seen it coming... yeah

I got my ticket for the next make-over
I lost my taste for this, I'll keep my pride
I believe (yeah), I believe (yeah), I believe
In the fallen
I believe (yeah), I believe (yeah), I believe
In the calling
REJECT!"

(Fallen by Seether)

I didn't google this song or Seether to research what was meant by the lyrics in this song. The combination of words put into this particular order and the tone of Sean Morgan's voice screams (and sometimes he does) to me. He said it.

Test for Future Post - Being a Sensation Scientist

Are you a Sensation Scientist?

How are you?

Take a moment and do a body check. Check in with all parts and consider the vocabulary to express the sensations you discover.

More soooooooooooon !!

Do Ya FEEL Me?

Shared Nia last night. Pissed off, frustrated, tired and grieving. My dance.

Full of Joy!

Rich, totally sensual, silent, loaded with emotion and the sensation of Joy.

I am emotional. In public. On a regular basis. I am open. Feeling feeds my dance. Feeling feeds my life.

Does that scare you?

Students tell me that they are drawn to my class because they can see how much I love what I do. Others tell me they feel  me (my energy) and come for that. I am also drawn to teachers (and people) who are expressive, and who do their best to be emotionally honest and authentic.

As Nia teachers we bring our experience from which to dance and share. Our experience. My experience. If you described some life event you have been going through, I could probably dance it. But it would be hollow compared to what you would express.

For our last class on Tuesday we covered Psychiatry, the study of the mind. We all know that. Before we began to discuss the vocabulary of psychiatry and the numerous disorders and therapeutic modalities, my lovely teacher shared this:

It is as important to be conscious of our mental health as of our physical health and when we need help - GET IT!

Cindy went on to share what she has noticed in her 30 years as a clincian, floor director and teacher. There is a distinct connection between the state of our physical health and the state of our mental health. When we are physically unwell, we are not "ourselves". When we are in pain, for example, we may express anger, frustration and distress. If that pain is experienced over a long period of time, this can take a toll on relationships.

Inversely, when we are not at peace, not on the right path and under stress, our physical health may suffer. This suffering may take the form of ulcers, headaches, general malaise or more serious disease.

We tend to view emotional expression the way we view disease, as a sign of weakness rather than as a guide, present to teach us something about ourselves or a natural response to life.

The Emotional Competency Group expresses it beautifully:

"Many believe that living life to its fullest requires experiencing and enjoying the full range of human emotions. Yet so many of us are uncomfortable with emotions; we don’t  recognize what they are, what they are telling us, how they can be helpful, or the choices we have in how to respond to them. Many of us were taught to ignore, suppress, diminish, or deny our own subtle feelings and vivid passions."

We all have history and our own story. We have knee-jerk reactions in some instances and at others we feel comfortable taking more time to consider a reaction.

Take a little time for yourself and dance with each emotion. No bad, no good, they are all here for our use, but until we are comfortable in their company we won't use them. Bring one emotion out at a time, take a peek and invite it to dance. If it's an emotion that is uncomfortable, invite it for a very quiet dance for just a short period at first.

How does it feel to dance anger, or fear, or anxiety or grief? Don't get lost in it. Dance it, witness it, thank it for visiting and show it the door until next time you extend the invitation.

Born to Move

Yesterday I had the honor and priviledge of spending some time holding a friends new baby.

What I noticed beyond her soulful blue eyes and her seemingly insatiable curiousity was her tiny body's nearly constant motion. Her movements were not restless. Nor were they relentless. She explored her surroundings and my face. She opened and closed fingers and toes, and flexed and extended hips and knees; delicate practice for when she's holding her head up, creeping and crawling.

When her body registered discomfort to her, such as hunger, diaper wetness or a boring view, she squirmed and her previously soft vocal tonings became distinctly more insistent. Her body spoke and she responded for change!

We were all like this once.

There was a time in the lives of us all when tweaking, adjusting and changing in direct response to discomfort or lack of comfort was reflex, automatic, unconscious. Our bodies were strong, flexible, mobile, agile and stable. We moved as easily on the floor as on our feet. We did not give a single thought to how we were going to get down on the floor to pick up what we dropped - we simply did it.

On the floor, all of our joints must participate. In standing and walking, this is not always the case. As a horrible matter of fact, we can walk around all day long and never truly give movement to the majority of our spine. Does anyone else find this chilling?

Our hips joints can move inadequately and still manage to get us from here to there. Our knees can be offered the tiniest range of motion and we claim it as walking. Feet are stuffed into shoes and toes may be immobilized while the entire foot loses strength and flexibility.

We Were Born To Move

• Why do we have joints if not to move them? 
•  
• What would happen if we never made a habit of telling our children to sit "still" for longer than the literal eating of a meal (versus "family time")?
•  
• What if teachers encouraged students to move around quietly as needed, without disrupting others (my son actually spent 2nd and 3rd grades with just such a brilliant, progressive teacher)?
•  
• My own teacher this semester offered us the same advice I receive every time I attend a Nia Belt Intensive: do what you need to do to take care of you. Get up and move, lie down, roll around, eat, drink, take bathroom breaks according to your body's schedule.

When your body is uncomfortable, what are you thinking about?

When your body is uncomfortable during an "extremely important" meeting, what are you still thinking about? What points did you miss because your foot is numb, or your hip is aching or your knee is screaming?

Does a "body break" have to be a distraction? No and your body is going to feel so much better you may even find that you've retained more than you usually do!

Does everyone in the room have to take a break at once? Ofcourse not. Every body is a little different and it is important to personalize needs. We are not production-line creatures. Speaking to digestion, even if you feed and water us at the same time, the digestions process is still going to vary from person to person, therefore bathroom breaks should vary as well.

POINT

Requiring stillness for any length of time teaches us to ignore the voices of our body. If we listen, we must move. To remain still, we "discipline ourselves" to ignore discomfort and pain.

A little ranting: To what end? To please someone else? To follow the rules? Who makes up such sadistic rules?

Since when did pain become a medal of honor? Oh, yea, the Middle Ages? I'll bet if we dig through more history we can find it earlier than that! Ok, ranting over...

We Were Born To Move

Children move just for the sake of moving. They always have someplace to go, something to do. And yes, their joints are new, their bones undamaged and their bodies are efficient.

As we become adults and the socio-cultural requirements demand stillness, we begin the inevitable journey into "old age". Think I mean 95? Nope, I mean 40.

Take a look around. How many 40-year-olds can get up and down from the floor without complaint? How many are already on their way to joint replacements (without congential conditions)? How many with weight issues so severe that the very idea of moving enough to keep the heart healthy, the joints and muscles moving and digestion efficient is simply too difficult?

Here's our "impossible" delimma:

• We should be healthy
• We should be still
• We should be thin
• We should be able to eat anything we want
• We should work 12 hours a day
• We should stay young
• We should make lots of money
• We need to keep a healthy heart and digestive system
• We should have a life schedule that doesn't allow (read respect) our need for exercise or adequate sleep
• We should have meaningful relationships in our lives
• "Success" decrees that we don't have time to do anything but work
• We should live meaningful lives and do what we love and were built for
• Here is the list of acceptable careers. To choose other paths may deem you socially unacceptable and therefore, unsuccessful, jus' sayin'

So why don't we keep moving?!?

Go ahead, buck the "civilised" system, I dare you.

Oh and let me know how that goes! And I'll do the same for you.