Fear is truly the great equalizer.
We are all afraid of something. Doesn't matter what country we're from, what color our skin, what language we speak, which political party we align with, how many friends we have or how "successful" our businesses and lives are. We all know fear.
Many of us are afraid of failure. For me, the flip side of that very same coin is that I'm also afraid of success. And up until very, very recently, I feared myself. I know the good I'm capable of - I also know the damage I can inflict.
From the time I was around 12 years old I was informed by a trusted source, that I did not have the "right" complexion to wear white. I was a girl who loved fashion and wanted to please. I never wore white again. Until the week of August 20, 2011.
Ridiculous? Absolutely! Real? Completely.
White, for me, is the color of transformation.
On the last day of my Black Belt intensive I wore White with intention.
Wearing White that day symbolized the many lies I had received and taken into myself as truths.
Wearing White that day symbolized the power I relinquished in allowing someone else to define me.
Wearing White that day symbolized facing a life filled with a paralyzing fear of inadequacy and failure.
White is my Demon Slayer.
So now what? Now what am I going to do with this information?
First I'm going to live who I am. Let me repeat this significant statement in case you missed it
(and in case I forget!):
I'm going to live who I am.
Without apology.
I will no longer apologize in word or action for knowing more than the person next to me (for whatever reason). Nor will I apologize for knowing less - good for them - I need to do more work.
I will no longer apologize by default or pretend to be small, discrete, invisible or otherwise unobtrusive so that someone else might feel better about themselves or feel less intimidated.
If I support you and encourage you, it's because I believe in you. You will get 100% - of my passion, of my intensity - of everything I can give. I am capable to transmitting huge bursts of energy - I hope you use it well. And to balance, I expect to be able to ask for your support and encouragement in return.
I am deeply, desperately, passionately in love with the work of Nia, but if I don't step into that I will never get to share it in ways I know are possible (and ways yet to be revealed).
I will not apologize for getting angry at someone who deliberately hurts me. I will not apologize for a fair fight.
I will never, ever, again apologize for loving someone.
I am graceful, sensual, sexy, soft, edgy, strong, vulnerable, wicked, and gentle, willful, tempestuous, restless, peaceful, loving, generous, awkward, shy - and all before noon!
I've got work to do and I get all tingly and light-headed just thinking about it. Walk this path with me or get the hell off. And I mean that with all the love and respect in the world - truly.
I don't need to be in control and I don't need for everything to be my way. What I need is to be surrounded by people who love life, who want to make a difference in the world, who are passionate about their dreams and in some way are stepping into making those dreams a reality, and it wouldn't hurt for those people to also love Nia!!
(Oh yea, and Santa, please let those people be honest and at least make sincere attempts at straightforward communication!)
If I'm going to ask, why not ask for EVERYTHING?
I am a Black Belt Nia Teacher and I wear WHITE!
and for the first time in so long I can't remember, I can honestly say,
Life Is Good.
Thank you: Mom and Papa for terrible lessons (I know you love me), Randy for your endless support on my Nia path, Joe and Rachel for loving me just because - you inspire me every single day. Teri, you know me better than almost anyone and love me anyway - you are the sister I would have chosen. Thank you Stephaney for offering me the key, Denise for showing me how the key might be used, Carlos for owning your passion and sharing it, Ken for holding me accountable, Marty, Fred, and David for being authentic and sharing your truth. Thank you Kim for your unwavering acceptance, exuberance and words of wisdom, Robyn for telling me I'm not crazy, Holly and Sue for your gentle but firm honesty, Cathy for sharing yourself, your courage and your twisted sense of humor:), Sandi for your friendship and love. Kara, thank you for sharing your heart and your gifts, Tracy for your hard work and for answering questions before I asked them, LaLeila for being there when I needed you, Beth for your generous soul and beauty, Anya for sharing your huge, wide-open heart, Carmen for your grace, Julie A you are a walking, breathing sacred space - I always felt safe in your presence, Cecile for your lovely embodiment of Nia.
Debbie and Ann for reminding me of my wings.
There are probably more of you to thank. Don't be offended, I will get to you when the time is right. And there are those of you I cannot bring myself to thank just yet and a couple of you I may never forgive - but then nothing is finished yet.
