The Evils of Email and Other Crappy Ways to Communicate

"All you need is love."

Who said that?!?!?!?

When I was a little girl, I believed that. When I fell in love for the first time, I really believed it. Then I started hearing things like, "Yea, but love won't pay the bills!" In the literal sense this is true. Very practical. I've never been terribly practical but it did make sense. Silly lovers!

Now, as a 40-something woman, I, once again believe.

Love is not one of the Principles of Nia, nor do we sit around discussing how it might be practically defined, but Love flows through everything that is Nia.

Love is High Magic. There is nothing higher.

It does sorta seem almost magical how, when love is present, given and received - even perceived - life takes on a more brilliant hue. Funny, I'd been waiting for the opportunity to offer this class and all of a sudden, the door opened - like magic! I just seem to be drawing the people I desire into my life right now. What is so different? What am I doing right?

Think I'm wrong - go ahead, I dare you - fall in love! Then come back and tell me how it's going.

Love. Connection. Communication. Touch. Feel. Sense.

How do we accomplish the above long distance? Or around the corner, with our crazy schedules? With all of the gifts of the internet, a relationship of any sort does appear to be easier to sustain. "Lovers" (I use parenthesis because there is a limit to what internet can truly accomodate!), friends, Facebook friends, professional contacts, acquaintances, Facebook acquaintances - as long as we are gracious, appreciative, happy, we can communicate. Sort of. We can connect or stay connected. Really?

If you send me a loaded email, my choices are to blast one back and either wait for a reply or go do something else and forget you. If I sent the loaded email, I can walk away from my computer and I never have to look at your reply - ever.

How was my email - the expression of my thoughts and feelings - received?

One person's slap-in-the-face is another person's gentle-friendly-nonjudgemental offering.

Be Impeccable with Your Word.

How about:

Be Impeccable with the Electronic Devices with which You Transmit Your Word.

I have come to believe that there are some conversations that should never, ever occur via email.

Would you breakup with a lover over the phone - call or text? Ofcourse not! By email, hopefully not. Would it be easier? Would it save you the discomfort of seeing the pain in his eyes and hearing the grief in her voice? Yes! Yes!

Is it easier to blast someone you believe has wronged you by text or email? Undoubtedly. They get no chance to respond; they are defenseless. Do they have a choice and chance to write a text back or send an email reply?

Yep, but the magic is that you don't ever have to read it.

How magical is that? Wow! I can have hundreds of relationships and I never have to be emotionally responsible. I never have to look them in the eye to ask or answer and uncomfortable question. I never have to see them humiliated or devastated by my careless words or by my simple carelessness.

Communication can be complex. The fact that we convey more of what's really going on inside us with our body language than our words makes the concept of social networking through our computers potentially disasterous.

This leads me to believe that the internet is really not the place to bring, create of sustain anything real in terms of communication. Misunderstanding is too easy to come by. At least with a phone call, I can hear the tone of your voice; you can hear the hesitation in mine or I can express to you, right there in that moment that what you received when I spoke (or wrote) was not what I intended. When in doubt, pick up the phone.

"All you need is love."

We reserve that word for those who know all of our secrets, occasionally those we sleep with and hopefully those we choose to spend large parts of our lives with. Otherwise it's rarely said. I admit to myself that I love many of my friends, but until recently I did not admit it to them. I've always felt love for close friends, but that word is "sacred". (Would it freak them out if I said it? Would they run screaming?!?!) I find now as I go along that I would like to tell some of those in my life that I love them so that they will feel connected, supported and cared for. I'm learning.

As I step into the next moments of my life, I will be reading with different eyes. When I write I will ask myself if this should be expressed in a way that can activate more of the senses. If I have to question whether or not the person I'm communicating with will be hurt by what I'm writing, I think I'll pick up the phone instead...

Love, Catherine

With Sincere Gratitude!

I would like to express my gratitude to you for sticking around to read this work-in-progress as it grows, gets stuck, takes a few steps backwards and grows again.

I would also like to express my gratitude to those who have shared comments. This blog contains the bits and pieces of work that I hope to communicate to others as more of a body of work in the future. It is extremely helpful to read your comments as they either tell me directly that what I'm sharing makes sense and was worth the read or tell me indirectly that I'm on the right track.

Not every post has been commented upon and I am not going to assume that those posts were unsuccessful attempts at sharing of information. If this is the case, please say so.

Everything and nearly everyone in my life has been inspiration for this and I am grateful to have such amazing people in my life!

Thank you.

The Joy of Awkwardness.

Challenge yourself.

Go through your routine today as though you've never done it before. Put your coat on standing in a different direction, with your gloves on first. Carry your bag on the opposite shoulder of your usual. Brush, comb or style your hair and brush your teeth with your less dominant hand. If you're going to class (of any kind), stand, sit or lay in a place other than "your spot". Teachers, share your stuff from a different spot as well!

Sing along with a song you've never heard before or never learned the words to.

No problem, you say? Cool. Then you are okay with stepping outside your comfort zone - you and your brain. Great, now do it some more!

Why? Why go to the trouble?

To give yourself more options.

Comfort Zone. COMFORT Zone. Comfort ZONE.

COMFORT ZONE.

Two big words, yes?

We have comfort zones all over the place: who we talk to when we call the doctor's office, which kind of fitness class we are willing to attend, which restaurants we frequent, what kind of people we seek for relationships, the jobs we search for, the lane we prefer to drive in and the subjects it's "ok" to talk about. That list is just a drop in the bucket and yours may be completely different, but you get my point.

Good thing: sense of familiarity so we feel safe. Even if something small changes (a new person in class or a change on the menu), we can manage. We don't have to think about stuff so much when we know how the process works. We can relax (good thing) and switch to autopilot (ok under extreme stress, not so good as a permanent way of life).

Not-so-good thing: a tendency to get into habits and lean away from new things. We fail to stimulate our minds, bodies, spirits and emotions and without stimulation, not alot of growth takes place.

Stimulation is an interesting process! It doesn't take alot of it to change the way we feel. This I know. What I don't know is why and how little is required to actually produce change so I've got some homework to do.

So get up from reading this and do something that makes you feel a little awkward - or a lot awkward if you're feeling daring!! And then congratulate yourself - awkward is gooooood! That's your nervous system saying, "wait! I don't know this, give me a second to adjust".

Go out today and experience the Joy of Awkwardness!

And let me know how it goes.

Use It or Lose It!!!!!!!

Over the past 19 years of working in the fitness industry, if I had a nickel for every time I used the above expression, I would never need to work again!!!!

And it's still true.

That little statement, in and of itself, is astounding!!!

Just a little while ago I read an article written regarding a study led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City entitled: "Use It or Lose It: Dancing Makes You Smarter" by Richard Powers.

My first response: Wow!

My second response as a Nia dance teacher: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I have been on this earth long enough to realize that just because someone publishes info. from a study doesn't mean it's the last word. So while I am delighted by this I am going to look around, and research what else has been done and what's coming around the corner.

There was this study done in which learning to juggle resulted in changes in the part of the brain involved in complex motor control...

It's beginning to sound a bit like the "form follows function" concept in bone development. Briefly, bones develop and are, literally shaped by what we use them for.

Neuroscience is so so so complex and there is so much yet to understand, but it is amazing to watch as strides are made. They might change their minds next year, but hey, nothing is permanent anyway!!

Everything has to be working properly...

I have a wonderful teacher for Biomedical Terminology, who reminds the class regularly, that it really takes everything working properly for us to feel good. Inversely, if one of the systems in my body is not in homeostasis, I'm probably walkin' around not feeling so great.

And that's just my body. When my mind, emotions and spirit are included, life really gets interesting!

Here are some examples. You probably have some, more or less of the same things going on around you.

I'm not getting enough sleep. (Gee what are the ramifications of this to my body! Slower physical recovery time. Less emotional tolerance for frustration, anger, sadness with the tendency to overreact. My mind is much more easily distracted and I can't remember why I went looking for that piece of paper! My creativity is down, my imagination is sluggish and often, I don't even feel like trying. Or playing. Or dancing.)

Still teaching classes. (A little more stress on the body, but I'm hoping to balance that by the fact that Nia feeds, nurtures and quiets my spirit and emotions. Level one, aaahhhhhhh!)

My relationship status is "complicated" and it IS! (A bit of emotional stuff here!)

My parents' are slipping away, in and out of the hospital and on the other side of the country. (With an extra helping of mind-blowing impossible logistics, emotional writhing and spirit depleting thrown in just for the hell of it :})

I'm back in school for a new career (to sustain me while I am growing my life's passion) and I cannot fail. (A bit more mental, with some fear-of-failure to taste, but also pleasure in learning the material and making new friends - a little balance...)

I'm also studying for a separate certification (for which the preparation includes 3 texts, 4 dvds and 100+ flashcards and it's in under 4 weeks.) and I cannot fail. (Just shoot me!)

My eating habits are sound, however I am a vegetarian who struggles to get enough protein and under stress will forgo the protein for sugar. (Nutrition is a huge component of well-being and there is a tendency to sacrifice it first. How I stand nutritionally affects all of my body's systems as well as all four realms of my being!)

I'll be selling the house I currently live in in a year and moving - possibly out of state. (Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (Yaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!) (And everything in between!)

Oh, yea, and I have 2 teenagers!

Just for a reality check and to maintain perspective, things could be much worse and I could have it so much harder. I am grateful for the support system I have. Even though, from time to time I feel like I'm free falling, I know that I am truly grounded.

Ok, now where is the balance in my life?!? (From a previous posting...)

I am the balance.

1st: in Gratitude

In acknowledging all that I have, I realize, well, all that I have!

Inviting the Energy Allies so that I am able to hold onto that perspective when I am too tired and totally overwhelmed.

Being impeccable with my word. With fatigue and stress I can take the art of sarcasm to new heights and hurt people I care for. Speaking what I know is true, no more and no less. And only whining to my best friends who will give me whining priviledges if I don't abuse them!

Never assume. Big one. So much going on. Just because a situation seems like it will head in a certain direction, I am working very diligently to refrain from making judgements. When I have the chance, I will ask. Until then, I will not create stories in my head. No drama over stories that have not happened. If I need something I will ask for it. No one should have to assume, or "figure out" or "just know" what I need. In return, those in my life are expected to do the same. I can no longer "take a hint". There are those of you who are especially practiced at this (and you know who you are). Don't assume I know what you're doing or what you're thinking. Don't assume I understand. I lost my crystal ball around the time I lost my virginity - a long time ago!

Always do my best. I know when I am doing my best and I know when I am not. This is my call to make. That being the case, it is not a call to hide behind. When I do my best, everyone around me benefits, especially me. My best, like everyone's, will vary from day to day and even from moment. Today, I aced a test. Tomorrow, my best may just be showing up. Taking a nap was my best about an hour ago. Getting to bed before midnight is my best for my current schedule. Not studying after 8pm. Maybe tonight, since I got a little nap, I may be able to go later.

Take nothing personally. At first this was the most difficult. Now not so much. However, with fatigue and stress, I find that my feelings are more easily hurt. Everyone is in their own personal experience and can only receive from that place. No one can know what's going on with me except me. When you cancel lunch plans and I don't lovingly reply with "no problem, see you soon", I'm tired and maybe I didn't ace that test. It's got nothing to do with you. I'm dealing with stepping through alot of new doors. It's not about you. If I hurt your feelings, say so and I will do the same.

These four promises that I make to myself and those around me free me from an enormous amount of grief and pain that I might otherwise waste my precious energy navigating.

The beautiful concepts were written about and described in more poetic depth by Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreement.

I AM THE BALANCE.

Living On Purpose

I am a woman on a mission.

Always.

I love a good mission. Without a mission I'm restless, cranky(er), and bored.

I love teaching Nia so each class is a mini-mission. Generally of the instant gratification variety. Workshops are more of a long-term varietyof mission. My workshops can be a one-shot deal; short, sweet, 1-1/2 to 3 hours and done. They can be 3 Sundays, 10 Saturdays or 13 Fridays. So the expression "long-term" is fluid. What do I like the best? The one that requires the most preparation. And if I can create a tri-board or any other type of visual promotion for it - baby, I'm in heaven!!

Much earlier in my life, when my children were small, I had missions. (Btw, missions and I go ways back - I was missioning in childhood!) Painting, writing, training clients, planning aerobics classes and practicing it all. I would disappear into the mission. I would barely speak to anyone. I didn't interact with my children enough (as I define it now) and whatever mission I was currently on was always on my mind. I didn't call friends, I didn't call my parents.

I was ON A MISSION.

I am no less mission-oriented these days. What I did discover during an extremely painful point in my life several years ago was that I had to balance my love of missions with my love of my whole life (including children, friends and growing a community). New ideas for how to create a more meaningful existence are very distracting for me.

I define missions as anything from looking for work, practicing for class and myself, to developing a wellness program to growing my Nia Community and teaching territory as well as studying for my weekly tests and creating the plans to change the world (or rule it, however you want to read that!). It is also spending as much time with my children as they can stand! It is checking in with friends all week long and making plans to connect live and in person at least once a month.

Nia, the Energy Allies and the move to Illinois.

3 of the most comfort-defying, delicious, frustrating, heart-breaking, heart-opening components of this journey that has been my life thus far.

I have met the women who have become some of the best friends I have ever had in my life since my transport to Illinois. The Energy Allies (through Nia) insisted that I pull up the big girl panties and grow up - so I am.

Dammit, but my skin don't fit right just now, though - I hate it - like being in someone's else's clothes! Some days it is excruciating.

Nia soothes the days when I don't know what to do with myself. The relief of dancing in her construct and then creating my own has kept me gentle (but no door mat) and allowed me to develop quiet strength. The richness and depth of my experiences in somatic practice blew the doors off of the insecurity and self-esteem issues I've battled all my life so that I might enjoy the decidedly juicy pleasure of living. My Life. In My Body.

I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss anyone. No more regrets. When I love you, I want to tell you. If you're in my life, it's because you matter to me and we've connected for a reason and that is something I do not take for granted.

Something significant shifted for me last October and while I have a variety of theories I really do not have anything concrete. I only know that I am not the same woman who left for that week in Portland.

I don't want to wait until I finish studying to sit and watch Glee with my amazing 16 (almost 17) year old daughter who calls me her friend - so I won't. If I wait til I'm finished she'll be onto something else and I will have missed the moment. I'm not going to sit at the computer and write as many blog posts because my son is home for awhile and I don't want to miss the chance that he'll ask me to read one of his short stories (which he did earlier and I did!) or have a chat. I have missed too many moments. Not just with my children (this is really not as much about them as about other aspects of my life) but overall and it is my intention to walk my path more consciously. It won't all wait for later, when I have time.

If you're here, I'm here.

(And if I trip up, just throw something at me!)

Here's to life, on purpose, and to not missing another opportunity to laugh, to love, to touch and to dance.