Two weeks ago tomorrow I left Chicago's Midway airport for Portland, OR to take my Black Belt intensive. I was excited to return to the city of Portland, and experiencing low-grade anxiety about stepping into this next level. I felt professional as well as personal stress. For me, Nia is my professional life and it is also my personal passion.
Some brief history:
Two weeks ago, if you had asked me how I was going to get around Portland (even though I've visited 5 times over the last year), I would have told you that I have to have a map - due to the fact that I have "no sense of direction". My mother always lamented her sense of direction, or lack thereof. I am also aware that in comparing women's and men's brains, women have a better developed language area while men have better spatial relations. This validated the fact that I wasn't just making up an excuse for getting lost alot.
On arriving in the Pearl District of Portland, I discovered that I didn't like the map I had. I exited the train and started to walk, first in the wrong direction then in the right one. I asked for directions once and lo and behold, with no map I arrived at the Portland International Guesthouse in one piece!!
It was in that experience that I decided that for the 10 days I would be in Portland, I would not use a map and I would not ask for directions. It was my intention to put aside my belief that I lacked a sense of direction and let trust take over.
The following morning I planned to take a master class from Nia Trainer, Ann Christiansen. Purportedly a 20-minute walk from the Guesthouse to StudioNia., I left 60 minutes early! I knew the general direction in which I wanted to go and I just headed that way. It took me 40 minutes and I definitely took the "long way home", but I did in with trust. I had faith in myself. I shared this experience with my beautiful Brown (and now Black) belt sister, Beth. Thank you, Beth for seeing me and for being there to share that moment.
For those of you who have either never been lost or for whom this has never been an issue, my accomplishment may seem small. Perhaps it is (no, I didn't find a cure for cancer) and that's ok. The point is that I found more than StudioNia - I found faith. And this faith fostered a sense of trust. Faith and Trust in myself that I have never before in my life owned.
I practiced this faith all week long. Every time I left either the Guesthouse or StudioNia I took a different route - usually on purpose, but sometimes due to mental and emotional distraction. During the week I asked for directions once (and I'm ok with that).
That walk became a moving meditation. Except for Thursday morning, I always made that walk alone. It was my ritual. Sometimes with music, mostly without. On Saturday morning, after the intensive was over and I was heading to StudioNia for a practice, I sang out loud! The whole way!
I don't share my voice much except to talk (and if I don't know you well, I don't talk much). This is a stuck place for me, something else I'm healing. Honestly, I don't know what, if anything the sense of direction thing has to do with my voice, but I suspect there's a connection to finding faith...
This is the first attempt at putting my toe in the water in terms of sharing the revelations surrounding my Black Belt experience. There is an enormous amount for me to process. Eventually it will settle and it will be mine to fully embody and share.
Until then, who know what'll come up!!
P.S. If you're going to Portland, the Portland International Guesthouse has apartments for weekly rental. They are adorable, full kitchen, washer and dryer, clean, in a lovely residential neighborhood and the management is always warm, friendly and available!!
No comments:
Post a Comment