Living On Purpose

I am a woman on a mission.

Always.

I love a good mission. Without a mission I'm restless, cranky(er), and bored.

I love teaching Nia so each class is a mini-mission. Generally of the instant gratification variety. Workshops are more of a long-term varietyof mission. My workshops can be a one-shot deal; short, sweet, 1-1/2 to 3 hours and done. They can be 3 Sundays, 10 Saturdays or 13 Fridays. So the expression "long-term" is fluid. What do I like the best? The one that requires the most preparation. And if I can create a tri-board or any other type of visual promotion for it - baby, I'm in heaven!!

Much earlier in my life, when my children were small, I had missions. (Btw, missions and I go ways back - I was missioning in childhood!) Painting, writing, training clients, planning aerobics classes and practicing it all. I would disappear into the mission. I would barely speak to anyone. I didn't interact with my children enough (as I define it now) and whatever mission I was currently on was always on my mind. I didn't call friends, I didn't call my parents.

I was ON A MISSION.

I am no less mission-oriented these days. What I did discover during an extremely painful point in my life several years ago was that I had to balance my love of missions with my love of my whole life (including children, friends and growing a community). New ideas for how to create a more meaningful existence are very distracting for me.

I define missions as anything from looking for work, practicing for class and myself, to developing a wellness program to growing my Nia Community and teaching territory as well as studying for my weekly tests and creating the plans to change the world (or rule it, however you want to read that!). It is also spending as much time with my children as they can stand! It is checking in with friends all week long and making plans to connect live and in person at least once a month.

Nia, the Energy Allies and the move to Illinois.

3 of the most comfort-defying, delicious, frustrating, heart-breaking, heart-opening components of this journey that has been my life thus far.

I have met the women who have become some of the best friends I have ever had in my life since my transport to Illinois. The Energy Allies (through Nia) insisted that I pull up the big girl panties and grow up - so I am.

Dammit, but my skin don't fit right just now, though - I hate it - like being in someone's else's clothes! Some days it is excruciating.

Nia soothes the days when I don't know what to do with myself. The relief of dancing in her construct and then creating my own has kept me gentle (but no door mat) and allowed me to develop quiet strength. The richness and depth of my experiences in somatic practice blew the doors off of the insecurity and self-esteem issues I've battled all my life so that I might enjoy the decidedly juicy pleasure of living. My Life. In My Body.

I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss anyone. No more regrets. When I love you, I want to tell you. If you're in my life, it's because you matter to me and we've connected for a reason and that is something I do not take for granted.

Something significant shifted for me last October and while I have a variety of theories I really do not have anything concrete. I only know that I am not the same woman who left for that week in Portland.

I don't want to wait until I finish studying to sit and watch Glee with my amazing 16 (almost 17) year old daughter who calls me her friend - so I won't. If I wait til I'm finished she'll be onto something else and I will have missed the moment. I'm not going to sit at the computer and write as many blog posts because my son is home for awhile and I don't want to miss the chance that he'll ask me to read one of his short stories (which he did earlier and I did!) or have a chat. I have missed too many moments. Not just with my children (this is really not as much about them as about other aspects of my life) but overall and it is my intention to walk my path more consciously. It won't all wait for later, when I have time.

If you're here, I'm here.

(And if I trip up, just throw something at me!)

Here's to life, on purpose, and to not missing another opportunity to laugh, to love, to touch and to dance.