Without Stories

What would happen if I approached everyone I know and therefore have some sort of story with, without the story?

I don't know.

What I do know is that by just thinking through such a scenario, I felt dramatically different. In taking that few minutes to invision a situation I'm going to encounter when I travel to visit my parents, I immediately received remarkable ease.

I'm not going to wait until I visit my parents, though, I'm practicing it today. Peacefully, I'm alone in the house right now, but my daughter will be home soon and the experiement will begin...

I'll let you know how it goes.

Btw...

If you see yourself in my postings it means that either you're totally self-centered and everything is about you, OR, I really did write based on an experience I had relative to you.

If it hurts you, feel free to talk to me about it - preferrably in person or over the phone if you're far away. It is never my intention to deliberately hurt anyone, but I might poke you with a stick!

If it pissed you off, ok. We can still talk about it if you'd like. No hesitation, but if you're planning to "rip me a new one" - you'll be wasting your time.

If you read yourself in something I've written, it is probably because I've learned something from you. Painful or delightful. Fair or unfair. Something I could have gone my whole life without hurting through, or grateful I didn't miss.

My grandmother used to say that if something made me mad (you can also read 'defensive'), it might have been because I was the one who did something wrong.

Mmmm, Love or Fear?

(thanks for the reminder, Dana!)

It's Not You, It's Me!

Let me preface this posting by acknowledging the concept of words as mere sounds. Yes, Jason, I am working with this. It resonates deeply. This posting is not about words, however, it’s about the intention behind the words.

"There is power in vulnerability."

Someone I trust said this to me not long ago. She said this in response to my disclosure of:

when I meet you, you have my trust. You don't have to prove yourself. I also give multiple chances if you do something that threatens that trust. After awhile (or something catastrophic), it's gone and then if the relationship is to continue, there's work on both sides.

My trusted friend doesn't agree. It's important to stay vulnerable, that's where the strength is. I understand. There is nothing to be taken when it’s offered.  (The most dangerous man is the one who has nothing to lose.)

I am openly vulnerable. I rarely hide my feelings. (I'm lousy at it, anyway - you can pretty much just look at my face...) My Nia practice has been instrumental in my continued ability to remain open and vulnerable. Not needy (though occasionally in need, like we all are from time to time), but searching.

Here's my question: when can I just be good and pissed off and hurt when someone else is careless? Truthfully, in a culture that is supposedly moving towards honoring others, I feel like we're moving backwards. Yes, I appreciate that I no longer need validation from another person in order to feel sad, however, it seems that I can't be angry with someone else for damaging behavior because it's "just where they are". When I am hurt from the words or behavior of another, when do I get to be hurt?

I have stepped into a world of healers. And there is another language spoken. It’s a beautiful language for those truly living the words. For others, some mere pretenders and others still making the climb, it is a slippery slope of communication.

It’s easy to hide behind lovely poetic, new agey speak such as “I’m just not in a place where I can…”, “I can’t be what you need me to be” (that’s a very smooth way of shifting responsibility), “this is not about you, this is my issue”, (so even if you are hit by shrapnel, unfortunate) “this is not part of my journey” (therefore I am free to be as irresponsible and totally unaccountable for my actions as I like).

How about:

“I really don’t care about you or your feelings.  This is about me and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get what I want and if you happen to become collateral damage, well, that’s too bad. When I’m where I want to be, then maybe I’ll consider caring about someone else. But don’t count on it being you.”

I like that much better. (No sarcasm here.) It is honest (yikes!). It is taking full responsibility for behavior (novel idea, I know). It’s courageous (yea, baby, it’s takes some serious gonads to say that to someone’s face – NOT their email!). The downside – WOW is it gonna hurt!! But I guess it’s kinda like the band aid thing – just R I P it off! Whatdaya think?

“It’s not you, it’s me.” First this little expression was something guys said to dump their girlfriends. Then it became a cliché, then a joke.

Now it’s back again in the form of “this is my process”.

Back to my preface. Words. Words. Words.

90% of what I communicate is N O T the words I use.

Rinse and Repeat:

90% of what we communicate is N O T the words we use.

Just to be sure:

90% of what we communicate is N O T the words we use.

Even in those individuals most disastrously disconnected from their bodies, 90% of what they are conveying will not come from the words they choose.

If I tell you that I am a healer, that I am sensitive, intuitive, supportive and nurturing and during our conversation I make minimal eye contact, do not sit facing you and rarely remember the details of the conversation – will you leave me with “healer”, “sensitive”, and “intuitive,” “supportive” and “nurturing”?

If you tell me that you are a healer, that you are sensitive, intuitive, supportive and nurturing  and during our conversation you make minimal eye contact, do not sit facing me and rarely remember the details of the conversation – your words, “healer”, “sensitive”, “intuitive,” “supportive” and “nurturing” will not be what I receive.

“Walk the Walk”,

“Actions Speak Louder than Words”,

are a couple more cliché’s.

• Am I always graceful, efficient, succinct and on-target with my communication? Nope.
• Am I carrying hefty word-related baggage from my childhood that occasionally gets in the way of my ability to transmit and receive with impeccability? Absolutely.
• Do I get confused when someone says one thing with words, but what they do communicates a different intention? Yep.
• Do I want to be the transmitter or receiver of the “How About” paragraph? Never. Ever.

I have work to do.

Technology is wonderful. I love, love, love email, Facebook and texting.

What’s not to love?

I can’t see your body or your face, so impeccability is vital. I will say what I mean, no tone or attitude implied. I ask that you do the same.

If you made a mess of something, clean it up and I will do the same.

 (Does this sound like I'm taking way too much stuff personally? Allow me to clarify. I am not. I take very little personally. [And, please let us not venture into the realms of "don't take everything so personally, it's not about you", "this is not personal", or "get over it, "cheer up", "smile", "I was just kidding"...]

Some things are personal.)

Dancing through the Storm - Stepping Forward or Swept Forward!?!

(My work and my responses to your work (whatever that may be ...unknown to me)... also known as the magic and wonder of communication and relationships!)

I have been known to consider myself a deeply compassionate person.

Now, I have to ask myself, when, though, in expressing compassion, am I responding to your experience from a place of pure receiving and when am I responding to your experience through the filter of my experience and emotional interference?

First Do No Harm

Friends, Lovers, Parents, Teachers, Acquaintances, Well-Intentioned or Otherwise (it's the same).

"...how I treat others reveals who I am... the way others treat others reveals who they are..."

Thank you, Molly Fox for the reminder.

I teach you how to treat me.

Consciously and unconsciously, my life and who I am in the moment, is revealed to those around me. As I become more and more conscious of my mental body and how I manage my mental energy, the patterns in my life make more sense.

Why do I attract the people I attract?

Why do I repel others?

"Why do these things happen to me?"

There's no one to ask but myself. Every single answer is within me. Results of my organic self or of external events - my answers come from the subsequent processing of any and all of my exeriences. (Thank you, Robyn)

You teach me how to treat you.

You show me your process. With words, body language and with silence. In the end, clarity comes from what your body says and your silence. After, your words may either confuse me, hurt me or validate what I sense. I can reflexively bounce off of what you put out or I can stop and take another look. Can I break words down into the mere sounds they are (thank you, Jason), remain unattached, open to intention and truly hear you?

Is it my intention to show you

Insecurity

Uncertainty

Frustration

Fear

Need

Anger

Loneliness

Grief

?

(Thank you, Kim)

"...today i will treat others the way i would like to be treated..." thanks Molly...

Can I say, with honesty that I am impeccable with my practice of compassion? How can I learn from my compassion practice? What are my responses when you show me

Insecurity

Uncertainty

Frustration

Fear

Need

Anger

Loneliness

Grief

? 

First Do No Harm

Can I put aside/leave behind/completely discard my responses to the person you were         5 minutes ago, 5 months ago, 5 years ago and be with who you are right now?

"When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you." (rough quote)

When the looking is unfocused, haphazard and closed. When does the abyss become the looking glass? I can choose to see blackness, emptiness and wait to be shown or I can look with the intention to see - curious, relaxed, alert and waiting.

Dancing in the Storm - My Nia Practice, Part 2

I had a little epiphany a day or 2 ago. Years ago I realized that I process the information I receive from the intensives I attend when I'm ready.

My epiphany was that I also process Nia classes the same way.

I've been teaching now for about 8 years and I just fell across this one!

My teaching model has been for me to gather the information, digest it and share it in such a way that it fits the context of the class, the demographics, timing, etc. From aerobics to Nia that really didn't change. What did change was learning to teach from my personal somatic experience as well as my experience stemming from the other 3 realms, mind, spirit and emotions.

Talk about "when the student is ready"... I'm not sure how ready I would have told you I was when I stepped into 2011, but I know now that this year with it's brutal storm of 'opportunities for growth' has created change like few other periods in my life.

It is my conviction, therefore, that I came to my little discovery due to the fact that I have been living so profoundly immersed in my experience.

I didn't fully trust the process (that the information would come to me when the time was right/when I was ready for it) during and after my first White Belt intensive although that week was still life-changing. At Blue I did not have anything practical I could draw on, but I was committed so I extended conscious trust. The key, for me is not so much expecting something but waiting without attachments.

Simply put, I now trust that my being is processing from the minute I step into the experience (intensive or class).

I take some information immediately with me in the form of thoughts. I may acknowledge how interesting, mind-blowing, or fresh a bit of information is to me. I may have physical sensations related to the experience: fatigue, achiness, tension, weariness, heaviness, lightness, pressure or ease. I may feel overwhelmed emotionally, or elated, or confused, angry, frustrated, invigorated, disappointed, relieved, etc. I may be receiving from my spirit realm or it may be quiet; I may not understand what I am receiving, nor what I should do with it. All of that is my way of digesting. For a few days after I get home I feel out-of-place, out of 'routine' and wonder how I'm going to teach my next class with a head that is either so full I don't know how I'm going to organize myself or I feel so empty I don't feel ready to teach. The feeling of emptiness is typical for me. It's my response to being overwhelmed. It's as though everything simply leaked out of my ears to relieve the pressure! If I don't panic and go searching, my brain will organize and my nervous system will re-boot and I'll be ready. (I've also noticed that I am particularly quiet for 2-3 weeks following an intensive. My cueing is very concise, almost taciturn.) 

When I take a class that inspires me, I will often go through a similar digestion experience. This week has been an example. I took class from Kim last Saturday. She shared Zensation! I hadn't taught Zensation is a long time but my body remembered. I left stimulated and decided to teach it the next day. I was my "bubble" of Zensation.

A couple of days later, it dawned on me what was happening.

I've shared Zensation twice since Saturday. Interestingly these classes felt grounded and soundly tight-but-loose, but the lovliest part of it was the ease with which I could deliver them. These classes flowed. Music played, my body moved and shared, my mind and spirit shared, within the form of Debbie's choreography and with my creative freedom.

I have committed to Nia not only as a fitness program to share but as a lifestyle practice. This said, I fully realize that due to my commitment, I'm going to visit my comfort's edge on a regular basis. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. These days I'm not only waiting for it, I am inviting it. What I'm saying is that I have opened the door and invited the Storm in. Stuff happens all the time to everybody everywhere. I could deny the Stuff, I could take a breath, close my eyes and wait for it to pass, pretend it's not happening, ignore it or I could steel myself against the coming challenge so that I won't feel/receive the message; new wisdom. I've done that, all that. Now, I'd like to move forward.

This year, I've turned to look into the Storm.

(I am not claiming bravery here - not at all - nothing could be further from this truth.)

How else will I see , if I don't look into the tempest?

Last year my Brown Belt intensive left me open, strong and wounded*. Like every intensive for me, I'd opened a door I couldn't close so I had to walk through. This year has been walking through the door, manymanymanymanymanymanymany doors.

(*For clarity let me say that there was nothing in the Brown Belt intensive that wounded me. I had revelations and experiences that brought information to the surface. The processing choices I made resulted in wounds - often my experience.)

To say that I am surprised to recognize the face I see in the mirror is an understatement!

Truthfully, I'm a hoping that the Storm will slow and even quiet for a little while. As grateful as I am for all of the gifts I have received this year, like a broken bone, I need time for remodeling to occur.

Let me also clarify that I am not being put-upon - I am not having life done to me. I have been an active participant here. Even though I have no control over my mother's complete loss of mobility in mind and body and my father's faltering memory, I have chosen how to manage these happenings in my life.

My way to slow and quiet the Storm and remodel? Go back to school (for Plan B) - a         16-week Anatomy and Physiology course offered in 8 weeks and preparing for the Black Belt intensive a couple of weeks after that! I am deeply and desperately in love with the subject matter and the human body and it feeds me and, happily, it feeds my classes - my students and Nia. Nice symbiosis.

I've got bones to memorize!

Btw - did you know that Vitamin D, synthesized from cholesterol through light (you know, that 15 minutes of UN-sunscreened time we spend OUTside [ideally, though any light source will do]) is considered a hormone responsible for getting calcium (from our diet) from the intestines into the blood and to where it's needed?

Shrek and My Nia Practice Part 1

I love to dance.

I believe this is a well-established fact. For anyone tuning in late, just know that I will pretty much dance anywhere, any time with almost any other Body, for any reason (do I really need a reason?!?), in the presence of music or silence.

When I was embryonic in my practice, one of my challenges was to resist the temptation to attach to the music. In other words, to resist being drawn into whether or not I "like" the music. 

Background: when I was teaching conventional fitness (step, hi/lo, kick boxing, boxing, Pilates, water, etc) I changed music constantly. I was often bored and the music I chose was directly related to my moods.

The music is a rich tapestry of sounds that are interwoven into the entire experience that is Nia.

In the beginning some music made me cringe, I would sense the drop in my energy level and the impeccability level of my practice would also drop. Or, I had little connection with the music (please read "connect" to mean "like") but the choreography would compensate. Energy level a bit higher, still an incomplete practice with a lagging sense of impeccability.

I have never been bored teaching Nia but I have had my restless moments. Moments in which I wanted to jump into another routine before I'd finished even learning the one I was teaching.

(Btw, I do not wait for perfection or complete knowledge before I begin to teach a routine. I learn the "bones" or the framework - 2-3 moves per song and the rest of my process continues as I teach.)

The Onion.

A few years ago on the teacher's forum there was a discussion about teaching routines for weeks at a time. I couldn't imagine. The same routine, as designed. So I did it. My process looked something like this:

Watch then dance with the dvd multiple times (yes, 5 to 7 times is about right). Listen to the music every chance I get. Note the choreography. I will usually teach a routine before I bar it. Not impeccable I realize.

I share the routine with my students. As I guide my students I step more deeply into experiencing the connection between the music and the choreography.

If I've been sharing a routine for a while (a month or longer) I probably haven't danced with the dvd since I spread my wings.

I go back to the dvd. There's always a move I didn't completely embody, or a cue that changes the dynamic of a move or the sensation of the move. Each time I approach a routine, no matter how many times I've taught it, if I am present, I will see, sense, imagine, realize, manifest or understand something new. If I check out and get into my habits, playing the dvd "in the background", then I am less likely to be inspired.

What I find fascinating is when I come to a move or a combination that my body "doesn't understand".

That could be mean the timing is a change from my natural rhythm. It could be that the move is a challenge to my nervous system. It could be that my body needs more time to learn and embody the transition between moves than it needs to learn and embody the rest of the choreography. If my body has not worked through the challenge and my execution and cueing is not smooth or comfortable when I feel ready to share the rest of the routine, I replace the song. Not permanently. I have discovered that if I replace the song for the class but continue to gently move through the choreography in my practice, eventually my body will learn and embody.

What does Shrek and The Onion have to do with my Nia Practice?

Seriously?!?!?

LAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots and Lots of LAYERS!

:)

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, er, onion...

How Do You Feel?

My Sensation Vocabulary

Powerful Quick Achy Soft Showy Sassy Loose Jangly Slippery Weightless Precise Free Centered

 Light Graceful Liquid Energetic Sloppy Crispy Electric Lively Expressive Empty Warm Full

Fluid Heavy Responsive Solid Playful Tight Agile Bound Sharp Mechanical Wild Yang

Masculine Stuck Slow Connected Sexy Flexible Rooted Strong Aggressive Floaty Mushy

Languid Cold Prickly Stable Yummy Hollow Yin Feminine Bubbly Fit Edgy Relaxed Weary

Adventurous Alert Bold Fidgety Hot Calm Luke-Warm Unsteady Weak Fluffy Stimulated Wide

Sticky Vibrant Oscillating UnStable Tense Juicy Dry Coarse Silky Velvety

Karen Small designed a very cool Wordle out of these words!
Help Yourself!