Heal Thyself

I have heard, many times, from many different people that we seek to fix in others that which in need of repair in ourselves.

I believe it. I am doing just that.

Do I believe people need "fixing"? No, but I see in others similar needs as I find in myself. By nature I am a fixer. That means that when another human being shares that something is not right, my first response is "how can I help 'fix' this? How can I support you?". While I believe that people do not, indeed, need to be 'fixed', I also honor their process by reminding myself that I cannot 'fix' their experience. That perhaps my silence and inaction is the best choice.

When I began developing the idea of a Nia-based wellness program, I felt that I had much to share. Very, VERY shortly after deciding to use this blog as a development tool for this program, I discovered that I also have much to learn and to think about.

Thank you, Deanna Elaine, for "I am here to..."

My writing of this blog reveals my heart; it reveals the human spirit residing within this body.

On the outside, I have come to realize (from much feedback) that often when I communicate, my words come with a torrent of energy. Over the years and recently, I have been described as intense, forward, hard, brusque, sharp, emotional, harsh and intimidating, I "come on strong". In contrast, I've also been described as kind, gentle, passionate and expressive.

I can tell you anything I want in terms of the why I am the way I am - but the why (though very important to me in order to continue to move forward) it doesn't really matter. I have been working on my communication style for a long, long time and this work will probably never be finished. Frankly, from the inside, it is painful to be described as 'too' intense, forward, hard, brusque, sharp, harsh and intimidating. 'Emotional' I'm good with.

The bottom line for me is that while I am all the adjectives above, I am also like every other human being and my sum is greater than my parts.

I am deeply grateful to those who care about me and our relationship enough to share with me how my communication was received in the context of not only my transmission but their reception. In other words, acknowledging that, yes, I came across as (fill in your favorite adjective), but also acknowledging and taking responsibility for their response.

I felt accepted and rather than being deemed disposable, open two-way communciation cleared the path for growth on both sides.

If the person I am communicating with receives me "wrong", am I still responsible for my communication? Yes. 

I cannot control (and am not responsible) how another person will hear me nor how they will react and respond.  My responsibility lies in keeping the opportunity for clarity available and for honoring the other person's process. My responsibility is how I respond. My responsibility is also to stalk my emotional body and be present to how my communications may be colored by turmoil within.

"It's not what you say but how you say it."

I believe it is both the words I choose and the way in which I deliver those words.

Even in the tenderest, gentlest voice, "fuck you" is still "fuck you".

...the work continues...