Beautiful - Inhale

I am my mother’s daughter in a few ways. Aging is not one of them. She and my grandmother, though were my only yardsticks. Neither of them exercised – at all. My grandmother stayed busy. Unfortunately my mother did not. Reading, watching tv and going to eat (in or out) are not considered activities that will keep the human body strong, flexible, agile, mobile and stable.

My outsides look cool, my insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through, it's because of you
I've tried different ways, but it's all the same
At the end of the day, I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin'

Occasionally, when I’m talking about Nia to a certain demographic and the conversation heads in a particular direction I will mention my age. Nine times out of ten the response will be, “Yes, you’re so tiny!” Maybe even 10 out of 10 (and the size of the woman or women in the conversation doesn’t seem to be relevant). I’m not a big woman. I’m a touch above average height and I’m proportioned like an athlete (which is far more acceptable now then when I was in high school). I’m not willowy like my beautiful marathon-running friend Teri, nor am I petite like lovely Kendra, or voluptuous like red-head beauty, Sandi. I’m neat. All that said, I guess it gives context, but it isn’t really the point.

Size isn’t the point. Size does not reflect level of intelligence. Size does not correlate to the level of artistic giftedness. Size won’t assure loyalty, honesty, reliability, motivation, skill level. Nor will size indicate the quality of any human being. I can’t tell how strong or deficient someone is in math by looking at their size. I can’t be certain that they will be able to write in any desirable prose or use a camera with insightful eyes. Size does not offer a view into the abundance of kindness, mercy or tolerance. In short, size means nothing. Put into the perspective that is often expressed as a value of society – size means nothing.

Is this reality?

Warp and twist that perspective there before us lies what almost every teen age girl (and more than a few teen age boys) will know: if you’re a girl you had better be thin. To be accepted, to be a part of a group, to be loved, we must be thin. As young girls, we are so indoctrinated into this sub-culture, that it haunts many of us for the rest of our lives, no matter how we look.

What happened to size doesn’t mean anything? The curious reality is that it still doesn’t. The fascinatingly wicked part is that WE – the same WE who will acknowledge the “size isn’t the point” paragraph – WE have created this. We have decided that size does mean something. We dreamed up, built and maintain the very box to which we object. We do not wish to be objectified, we don’t want to be forced to conform – we want to be individual, different – we want to be ourselves. We know what we know, yet we build an iron maiden for ourselves and we lock it from the inside…

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M·A·C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I, too
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I Feel Pretty/Unpretty originally written by Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim / Corey Glover, Michael Cirincione, Dallas Austin, Tionne Watkins