World's Easiest Self-Empowerment Exercise

Trash These Weak Words

Am I the only one who has decided the the expression "it's not what you say but how you say it" is only half right?!

It is what you say and it is how you say it!

Or

To put into proper perspective:

It is what I say and it is how I say it.

Not only what I say to others, but also what I say to myself.

The following words are so common in our vocabulary that they are almost invisible, but they are far from innocuous. They are passive words intended not to empower but to pacify (yes, use of those two words was intentional).

 

"Wish"

Do you use the word "wish" when you've decided you don't like something the way it is, but you're not actually doing anything about it? Wishing may give you a little relief from a reality you don't want to deal with, but it sure doesn't move things along.

 Ok, who sang about wishing on a star? A cricket! A cricket?!? I can't stand the rhyme about fishes either but it's closer to my point...

 "Try"

When you insert the word "try" into a sentence, does that mean you're not actually willing to take on the responsibility of promising to do something? It's the ultimate catch-all qualifier for anyone looking to commit absolutely nothing to a particular effort.

I'm with Yoda on this one!

(Translation: Cut the crap and just do it.)

Or

As Flubert said, "Faire et se taire."

(Translation: Stop talking about it and get on with it. [my softer interpretation])

"Should"

Like wish, “should” can be used as a way of placing responsibility for your quality of life on other people, or on the universe at large. Most "shoulds" are really just desperate pleas for your moment to be less troublesome to you.

Mmmm. Maybe it's just me, but I tend to equate "should" with guilt. I get the sense that when it's used, the user is not as passive as the above suggests.

When someone says "I should be cleaning my yard..." what I hear is, "I should be cleaning my yard, but I'm not going to (fill in the reason/excuse/rationalization or don't)." Sounds a little rebellious, but still stuff isn't getting done and forward progress is not happening.

 

"Deserve"

Even among reasonable people, deserve gets out of hand quickly. Deserve is really just a more specific type of “should” - one which refers to what fates people ought to experience. Remember that most violence is rationalized with "deserve."

I can't help myself. Every time I think something like, "I deserve ______", right behind it comes, "what have you done for _____?"

Alright, I do not deserve to have my life taken. But do I "deserve" to be happy when I do absolutely nothing to achieve or invite said happiness into my life?



Rather than empower myself by chucking the concept of something owed to me, I think I'll just sit in this dirty bath water and sulk.

These are all words reflecting personal choice.

World's smallest empowerment exercise:

For one hour, stalk your communication style - the words you choose when you speak to others. Just observe and witness. Also notice how the receiver of your communication reacts. (You may not sit in a room by yourself and call the exercise successful!!)

World's second smallest empowerment exercise:

For one day, stalk your communication style. Again, notice the words you choose.

World's Third smallest empowerment exercise:

For one month, replace the following words

Wish, Try, Should, Deserve

:

and just for grins add the following

Because, Hard

You can discard all of these words at once (good memory) or you can eliminate them in pairs. One at a time seems a little unworthy!

For one Month.

I'm taking my own advice - I'm too fond of "should" for my own good!

Let me know how it goes!!